Low Self Esteem Among Children and Teenagers - Parents, what can we do?

Over the last decade, low self-esteem among children and teenagers is growing extremely fast.  If you are like most parents, what you want more for your kids is self-confidence.  They will tell you that academic and athletic come later on their wish list. Without self-confidence, it is extremely hard for children and teenagers to achieve any goals, resisting peer pressure and deal with adversity.  Ultimately, without self confidence, it will affect directly their overall happiness and career success.
 

How can you help?  The most important part of your job as a parent is to provide love and affection every day.  All children and teenagers will benefit as they feel love by their parents.  It is important for you to realize that love and affection alone it is not enough to build their self-confidence.  They need two more ingredients in order to help them achieve self-confidence. They need People Skills and they need Character.

 

If you did a survey and surveyed people with people skills and people without, you would find that the main difference is the way they were raised.  People skill is certainly very difficult to learn if you don’t learn it at a young age.  That is why you should start with your children as soon as you can.  Start with the basic technique.  Teach them how to greet people, to look people in the eyes.  When they become a teenager, you should add a firm handshake to what they should do.  Teaching them how to listen well and not to be afraid to ask question will also be a good for them.  There have been many studies done that shows people skills represent 75% of their success vs. 25% is technical knowledge.  Don’t diminish the importance of your children learning math, read and writing but the emphasizing on their people skills will go a long way towards their overall happiness and career success.
 

Developing character is an extremely hard thing to do.  It takes a lot of commitment to teach it, be accountable to it.  This is the second item your children and teenagers will need in life.  Start as young as you can to teach them about integrity.  Being honest can only bring good things for them.  Teach them how to behave in today’s society.  What is accepted and what is not and knowing that will help them both on a personal level and later in life, on a professional level.  Also, you could have self-confident children or teenagers but lack character. This will result with your children to not resist peer pressure, potentially affects their personal relationship and professional life.
 

Why is it that more and more children and teenagers lack people skills and character today? It is mainly due to 3 areas.  Today’s technology, the pop culture and academics emphasis are the main reasons.  The technology today, having access to e-mails, IM, test messaging, cell phones, video games create a void in personal human contact which you can only improved by meeting people face to face.  If you look at movies, cartoons, music videos and how it affects our children and teenagers, you will understand why it is another reason why people lack people skills. With the disrespectful gestures and expressions used today. It teaches our kids to behave the same way.  It makes our jobs as parents much harder. Also, in today’s schools system, the emphasis in on academics.  They do not believe people skills and character are priorities and therefore they do not focus on it. How many times have you heard small kids saying things such as “Stupid!” “Shut Up!” “Hell No!” “What the Hell?” Aren’t those sounds rude? But we heard it almost everyday from them.

There are many things you can do to help your children and teenagers to build their people skills and character.  You should emphasis the importance of people skills before they interact with others.  It could be on the way to school, to visit family or friends etc.  Re-emphasizing greeting, eye contact and a firm handshake every time.  Next, be a good role model.  Remember, your children are always watching and listening so you should always act the part.  Last, look for third party help, children, especially teenagers can tune you out so if you can find material such as books, CDs or DVDs; That way they can teach themselves as they become an adult.

Today’s generation is not learning people skills or character development.  We do not hesitate to get help for our children for any other subject.  So let’s remember what will ultimately help our children and priorities correctly so our children and teenagers never suffer of Low Self Esteem

 

Love Like the Olden Days...

In the beginning of man kind, there are very strict rules and some rituals in every customs and traditions celebrating a boy entering his manhood. There will even be a celebration for puberty and of course circumcision. People used to take that really seriously. This kind of ritual comes along with full responsibilities as that boy is then considered a man and he have to start doing what a man supposed to do including the honour to quest for wife and goes into marriage. Marriages those days wasn't that easy as guys are request to do many tasks to prove that he is really man enough. The tasks including hunting deep into the wood, horse riding and many more depending on which surrounding they lived in. In term of marriage, the girls' family will request for something (usually tough request) to prove that the guy can really take care of their daughters. They are known for married because of love. 

However, things change with time. Century after century, decades goes on until now!! Our living era. Perhaps the technology and advancement of life that we all sought after has make the value of love and marriage goes less. Not to deny that earlier times, there are many arranged marriages. Parents just get their children married without the needs to ask for their permissions but still the marriage last and many of them actually fall in love after the marriage. So, what went wrong with our society nowadays? What happened to most marriages that ended up with bitter divorced? I think the value of marriage has gone much lower now comparing to the olden days. Just imagine how hard the guy went through to prove his love to the girl he love and her family. It will not be easy for him to let go of their marriage just for some "irreconcilable differences" which is a very common reason for today's divorce cases.

Those time, love means everything to people. There's nothing more important than winning the heart of your love one. Nowadays it's really hard to hold on to love. What worst is when we confuse about lust with love. It happens everyday. If there are the lasting ones, we know there must be tonnes of effort put into the relationship. When there are lasting couples that we know of, we wonder can we really love like our ancestors did? How our great grandparents or grandparents did? Can we honestly still love like them? How does it feel to love like them when there are no mobile phones to contact each other, no email that can deliver in few seconds. No internet or data services for us to be online 24 hours! No Facebook or Whatsapp or Line or whatever apps that is available for us today. The good thing with this is we can check on the one we care almost immediately but it kind of turning more into virtual than the actual personal touch and care. Those days, they walked miles and miles just to catch the glimpse of the person they love. They dreamt about marriage and having children with their love ones. Although the marriages back then are just simple and humble celebration but it is more valuable than the Million Dollars weddings that some people throw nowadays. Some couples now get married and they don't even want to have children. Is the love not strong enough for them to wish for a child which carries feature from both of them? Or the priority of life has shifted to different directions. Those days the take time drafting love letters and sent it out even they know it might take months to delivered. They walk the distance to get to their love ones, they keep printed photo in the purse so they can have a look each time they misses love. All the meaningful  things back then are what we call lame today. What really happen to us?

Because of this fading value of love that we are facing today, we always attracted to watch love movies or drown into love novel. The love stories seems so sweet that we even cried going through it but in reality, that's when we doubt those kind of love still existing. In a world full of disguise and fake individuals, we can't stop ourselves from being cautious and suspicious to people. That's the truth. It scares us to go through crime cases on news. Just too much! Thinking even about the love scams online or offline! Dude!! People do anything for money nowadays. For those who scam in the name of love, they tarnished the ones who really love from their heart. Asked me what would I say if out of the blue moon a strange message just came in which said "If only I'm a super human for just one day, I will go and pick the stars above and make them necklace on your neck for you are too beautiful for anything this earth can give. If only I have one wish left in this life which will be granted, I will wish for a baby girl with you because I know she will look just like you.." The reply sure will be something like "Yeah! Go to h**l then, perhaps there's something there which you can pick too! What baby you're talking about!!" It's not about being rude but this is the respond that person should expect out of sending such message out.

Now let me asked you, would you believe that someone walked miles to reach you because he don't have car and nobody he know could drop him over as time don't permit at that particular hour of the day. Definitely he don't want to have the chance to be late on the first meeting as he has been begging to meet up quite sometimes. Then, would you believe someone waited for 17 hours on the road hoping you would just come, see him and say hi? Now would you believe that someone would skip a meal because that little cash for meal he want to save it to recharge his phone so that he can keep in touch with you for another day? Would you ever believe that someone could hurts or harm himself so that you will finally come to check on him? He cried in front of you but you are doubting the tears are real or just movie. He said he have nothing left to offer but his heart and you're thinking.. "What is that heart for, black market organ trade syndicate?" I know this sound just so cruel as the respond he get for what he did but come on, what is a better way to respond? Be logical, can't just fall for him like that.

As time goes by, we... All of us are involved! Come on! Don't deny t. We all make things much easier as technology does. The rules are all loosen up, the customs and traditions are all left behind. Many people live on without rules anymore. I was once on a long journey flight and I watched one movie, an elderly man was talking to a young man and this was the line that I can remember "Young people nowadays like you, sometimes you get laid and you don't even know your partner's name!!" Whoa!! What about that? Not being prejudice or judgemental but the adult industry, everything beyond our imagination are available so the mentality has totally changed. If you can get it that easily, why do you need to try harder?

I'm here talking and reminding myself and all of you that true love still really exist. Be cautious and alert about people but never close your heart fully for love. I have seen it and it is real. Someone really hold on to the love that he believe in. He shut every doorway that might lead him to lose his love. He starve, he cried, he begged, he put aside his male's ego, he strive real hard to make his life better. He try every possible thing to keep that love and he believe at the end of it, all the hardship he is facing will worth the whole world once she truly belongs to him. Nothing could make him doubt what he have for her is the deepest love he ever feel in this lifetime.

 

 

 

 

Do You Believe in Past Life or Soul Reincarnation??

I'm not sure how would you look at this. It is something out of my normal writing genre but I'm very curious about it. Life, religions, spiritual, meditation, soul... Are those connected to you? To me yes, they are certainly connected. Maybe I am not the right person to write or talk about this but from the events we sometimes encountered in life, some faces that we saw somewhere or things that happened. Not everyone but I believe some of us ever face it. As we called it Deja Vu sometimes. Have you been seeing a face in all the crowd and it takes you so long trying to remember who was that but you can never recall. The worst part of it is when you are so sure you know that person and you have been doing things together over and over again but who is that? We might be thinking about the person all our life but to no clue where we met. (Note: This is not about memory lost person. ) I'm writing about this because of someone I met. It remained jokes to me in the beginning but now I am getting curious about it. Not the stories he told me about me, but about the existence of the whole story. Ready? This is what I want to talk about... The past life, our past life. Do you believe? Our soul lives on but our body live only once. Lifetime after lifetime, the souls just reincarnate and what happen at "the space between lives"? That person told me "Believe me, I know you very dearly somewhere before. Not this lifetime but our past lifetime." I was sceptical with that because I heard a silly one before. The silly one was by a guy who looked familiar to me but I just can't recalled his name. When I asked he said the same "I know you before, from our past life. During primary school!" So hahaha! Ok, my most energetic time in life.

I neither talking about this without reading nor blindly writing about it without reference. I was mesmerized by how true it is. I watched him, I listened to him, I understood or at least trying to understand what he was saying and I believe in it. There's evidence on this. Not saying that I'm going to take you to the journey of past life discovery but there are few that I would share here. Know this name? Dr. Brian Weiss, a well known traditional psychotherapist. Dr. Weiss was astonished and skeptical when one of his patients began recalling past-life traumas that seemed to hold the key to her recurring nightmares and anxiety attacks. His skepticism was eroded, however, when Catherine, the patient began to channel messages from "the space between lives," which contained remarkable revelations about Dr. Weiss's family and his dead son. Using past-life therapy, he was able to cure the patient and embark on a new, more meaningful phase of his own career.

Dr. Weiss is using the method of hypnotize. He is able to bring someone to the process of deep hypnotism to connect with their soul. This is just so mesmerizing to me as how Dr. Weiss able to take someone travel to the journey back to the other lifetime when this person who lives currently is in a state of disconnected with their living soul. Isn't it interesting to know? Dr. Weiss is also conducting seminar on this topic across the United States. According to Dr. Weiss, "In hypnosis, the person is the observer as well as the person being observed. “Your conscious mind is always aware of what you are experiencing while you are hypnotized. Despite the deep subconscious contact, your mind can comment, criticize, and censor. . .  Some people in hypnosis watch the past as if they are observing a movie. . .  In hypnosis, your mind is always aware and observing.  This is why people who may be deeply hypnotized and actively involved in a childhood or past life sequence of memories are able to answer the therapist’s questions, speak their current life language, know the geographical places they are seeing, and even know the year, which usually flashes before their inner eyes or just appears in their minds. The hypnotized mind, always retaining an awareness and knowledge of the present, puts the childhood or past life memories into context."

Here are some questions asked, all answered by Dr. Weiss, I want to share with you:-

Q: How can I go “within” ?
A: I suggest that you learn and practice meditation regularly.  This has helped me a great deal, and now I meditate daily.  After a while, the answers to your questions will come to you, but you must be persistent and patient and not get discouraged.  This is a practice for a lifetime.

Q: Can everyone be hypnotized ?
A: Many people are able to be hypnotized easily and deeply the first time they try hypnosis.  Some need more experience and practice. Unfortunately there is a percentage of the population (up to 15%) that can’t be hypnotized at all.  Sometimes non-hypnotic techniques help those people to retrieve memories.

Q: Why do we reincarnate ?
A: I think everybody reincarnates because we have many lessons to learn, lessons about love, compassion, charity, nonviolence, inner peace, patience, etc. It would be hard to learn them all in only one life. Also, some people come back voluntarily to help others.

Q: Do all souls reincarnate ?
A: I think that sometimes you have to come back. If your learning is not finished, you find yourself being born into another lifetime. There may be some choices involved, however, but apparently there are limits to the choices. Highly evolved souls do not have to come back but often choose to reincarnate to help as teachers.

Q: Can there still be communication with a loved one if that soul has reincarnated?
A: Souls can reincarnate and often do, but their spirit also remains “available” in the spiritual world. Our soul is far greater than our physical body; it’s not limited by our constructs of space and time.

Q: Can souls “split” ?
A: In rare circumstances a soul can split and have more than one experience at the same time in order to increase its learning opportunities.

Q: Is there a difference in the evolution of the soul and that of the body?
A: I think that there are at least two lines of evolution.  The evolution of the soul is different from the evolution of the physical body.  At which exact time souls entered bodies for the first time I’m not exactly sure.  But it is important to remember that these evolutionary lines are separate and distinct.

Q: Tell Us about your past life..
A: The first time I remembered was during an acupressure massage for an old neck injury that was flaring up. At that point, Many Lives… had been written, but wasn't published yet.
         And I wasn't telling a soul. I was afraid for my reputation and career. So I mentioned nothing to the therapist. I would go into this very relaxed, almost meditative state, and during the third or fourth one-hour session I saw this image.
          It was me, taller, thin, wearing a multi-coloured robe, standing in a large geometric shaped building. I knew I was a priest of some sort, very powerful, with the ear of the royal family. I had some psychic abilities in that life, too. And I was misusing it to gain more power, sex, greed, things like that. It was a very good life! Very easy, but wasted. The word "ziggurat" kept ringing in my head. I had no conscious memory of ever coming across that word. It doesn't prove that I didn't, in college or something, but I didn't remember it. I didn't say anything to the therapist, went home and looked up ziggurat. It's a word for architectural structures, temples of the Babylonian era, like the hanging gardens of Babylon.
         I had another experience years later. I had this dream of being imprisoned in a European dungeon, my arm chained to the wall. I was being tortured for teaching about my religious beliefs, which included reincarnation. And I died there. I became aware, as I died, of a message: "When you had the chance to teach it, you did not." I knew that was referring back to that episode with the ziggurat. "When you didn't have the chance, you did." 
         And I knew that meant that I should have taught about love. I didn't have to teach about reincarnation and get killed for it. I went too far. The implication was: "Now you can have both. You have the chance, and you can teach about it." It's as if those two were the important past lives.

Dr. Weiss wrote few books which are top sellers and of course worth reading. He is working closely with his daughter Amy Weiss on their books. There are few that I would love to share the little details with all of you.

Book 1: Miracles Happen : The Transformational Healing Power of Past Life Memories
In their revolutionary book, Miracles Happen, Dr. Weiss, and his daughter, Amy, examine the physical, emotional, and spiritual healing that is possible when you freely accept and embrace the reality of reincarnation. A leader in the field of past-life therapy, Dr. Weiss has helped thousands connect with their past lives and experience tremendous healing. In Miracles Happen, he and Amy share these remarkable real-life stories to reveal how past-life regression holds the keys to our spiritual purpose.

The awareness that we have multiple lifetimes, separated by spiritual interludes on the other side, helps to dissolve the fear of death and bring more peace and joy into the present moment. And in Miracles Happen, personal stories, accompanied by Dr. Weiss’s inspiring teachings, reveal how getting in touch with our past lives can profoundly and permanently heal mind and body. In the end, we come away inspired, renewed, and assured of the truth that we are eternal beings who are free to heal our current wounds by better understanding our past. It’s a practice that helps us improve our current lives, evolve along our spiritual paths, and live each day with purpose.

Book 2: Many Lives, Many Masters
As a traditional psychotherapist, Dr. Brian Weiss was astonished and skeptical when one of his patients began recalling past-life traumas that seemed to hold the key to her recurring nightmares and anxiety attacks.

His skepticism was eroded, however, when she began to channel messages from “the space between lives,” which contained remarkable revelations about Dr. Weiss’s family and his dead son.
Using past-life therapy, he was able to cure the patient and embark on a new, more meaningful phase of his own career.

Book 3 : Only Love Is Real
With Only Love Is Real, Dr. Weiss takes his research one breathtaking step further. He portrays two strangers unaware that they have been lovers throughout the long centuries, until they are brought together again.

He shows how each and every one of us has a soulmate whom we have loved in past incarnations and who waits to reunite with us now. And he opens up entirely new worlds for all of us everywhere, based on a single, powerful truth….

Book 4: Same Soul, Many Bodies
We all have lived past lives. We all will live future ones. What we do in this life will influence our lives to come as we evolve toward immortality. Dr. Weiss encourages this important recognition because recently he has not only regressed his patients into the past, but has progressed them into the future. And what they have discovered is that our futures are variable, so the choices we make now will determine the quality of life when we return.

That is some brief about the work of Dr. Brian Weiss in helping some people finding who they were, what life they lived before and self discoveries. As Catherine, one of his patients case was portrayed in his book Many Lives, Many Masters, she was "Aronda" in her previous lifetime. The year flashes to her, and she found herself building a pyramid in ancient Egypt in 1900 B.C.

The awareness that we have multiple lifetimes, separated by spiritual interludes on the other side, helps to dissolve the fear of death and bring more peace and joy into the present moment. And in Miracles Happen, personal stories, accompanied by Dr. Weiss’s inspiring teachings, reveal how getting in touch with our past lives can profoundly and permanently heal mind and body. In the end, we come away inspired, renewed, and assured of the truth that we are eternal beings who are free to heal our current wounds by better understanding our past. It’s a practice that helps us improve our current lives, evolve along our spiritual paths, and live each day with purpose.

Do you ever wonder about your past life? If never, will you now? I started to be really curious, if I do have one, I wish to know who was I? What kind of lives I ever lived? And how many lifetime will I ever able to find for myself. If one day I will found it, I will share it here.
 

It Is Your Freedom to Dream and STOP Complaining..

Life in certain countries can be really devastating. It often come to the point when most people waking up everyday to nothing. No hope, no where to go, no one there who can show them better way, no job and no promised meal of the day. Worst of all they are fearful to dream. Life in Third World or Developing countries can be really challenging and oppressing. As what we all know of, the rich will keep getting richer while the poor will keep going from bad to worst. It's when life has become a living nightmare. I've spend 10 months of my life in one of the African countries. A country where you can really see how the poor and the rich are noticeably divided. The area where the riches live in, the poor should just stay away. Justice haven't really found it's meaning yet here. Some people went into prison for no real convictions while some people went in because they were paid off by the real culprit who happened to be wealthy. Rich people can just made up story about someone and sent them to prison if they're not happy with them.

The issue I wanted to share here are issues that touched girls and women there. For sure nobody really know how many girls are forced into child marriage and it is often to men double or triple their age! For once I know, most girls does not have enough or fair value here. Why would I say so? I experienced it with a young man. (my driver while I was there) One day he was so happy to inform me that he's getting married soon. I was happy for him so we talked about it. To my surprised it was real what we heard or read somewhere. He bought a cow for the girl's family. Of course I'm not saying all family doing it but the one in rural area still highly practicing it. Girl's father demanded for things according to the value they put on their daughters. If their daughter ever went to school they will ask for something they think worth it. The education level applies to what they asked for too. Some asked for one goat, some asked for heard of goats, a cow or few cows and some other things which can be use to feast the village for that wedding. Come on! I might not say it right & I know many will disagree with me but this is how I viewed it. Don't you think the girl is equivalent to a cow? Remember everyone tells a story their own way. This is my way of telling this story.

Come on! For your information, they are still too many girls here denied educations. They can't go to school because they need to help their mother to fetch water. They can't go to school because they need to help look after the younger ones in the family. They can't go to school because their parents can't afford it. They can't go to school because their parents say let the boys go to school, they will be someone one day and girls doesn't need to learn from school how to cook or clean the house. So that's what girls are for. Cooking, washing, cleaning and enslaved to the house chores and her family. Not to deny why many young girls are married off by their parents at such a young age. They said they can't afford to take care of her and if she's married, her husband will feed her and take care of her. Really? That's where I even read a write up a while ago about domestic violence in such marriage. A marriage that consist of young girls with her older husband, can be double to triple her age. According to the person who wrote it, girls in these marriage, they can't fight their husband even if he beat her because of his status as head of the family. He can beat her if she refuse sexual intercourse. (Do you know there's an Act protecting rape in marriage?) Whenever she don't want, that mean it's by force. She got beaten if she served meals late for her husband! Imagine that!! Basically it is "The husband marry them, feed them and they must obey to every of their demand. Be it wrong or not!!" Wow! This is really still happening. They will not protest because they are told by their parents- must obey husband. I think this is not obey, it's way beyond obey. What is marriage if only one side priority are taken care of while the other can't even speak.

Most girls and women in that country, they work like horse and they are almost not allowed to rest. If they can't work because they are not well or tired, everyone will assume they are lazy. They wake up really early to fetch water for the house and do all the house chores before they go out to do their work. Working mean every possible work available. Odd or petty works. Anything as long as they will get little paid at the end of the day. Sometimes they just stay outside office blocks or building and asked every passers by if they can help to get anything for them. They asked me if I need newspaper or anything and they can get it for me. After all you just need to give them something equivalent to RM1 here. Just give it to them, they will say so many thank you and God bless you. They stays outside sometimes from 7am to 7pm late in the evening to look for the little money they can so they can bring it home. During some unfaithful days they might ended up getting nothing despite the 12 hours being outside beating some harsh weather.

They sell groundnuts, cassava, breads, pure water and anything else. They carry all these loads on their head. Some girls carrying their younger siblings with them while they're selling or hawking on the street because there was no one available to help taking care of them. Very common you will see women carrying their babies on their back while working. I known of one lady who is cleaning our office building then. (Of course while I was in Africa) She sweep the office, the walkway, stairs and lobby. She clean toilets on every floor. She clean windows and throw rubbish for people. That was a five storey building and she was the only person cleaning it! During lunch hour, she will asked if anyone need her to go get them lunch. She sacrificed her own lunch hour to get things for people because she knew if she did that she will get some extra money. Think about that again, people does not even respect her. I heard they called or yelled at her "You woman, come!" It was so heart breaking to know that but she seems fine. People don't even bother to ask her name because they think not worth it. She came to work with 3 children everyday. A baby that she tied on her back and another two kids perhaps age around 3 and 4. I saw her sometimes giving food to her children under the tree and I never saw her eating. I believe she might only eat once a day, maybe early in the morning before she left to work or late at night after all her work done. Is that how a woman should live? I spoke to her few time, a lot with sign language because she doesn't speak English. What I know from the girl next office is, this cleaning lady's husband died in an accident while she was still pregnant with her last born. Look below, that's how they walked about the city selling things everyday.

Did you see how the lady in the centre tying her baby on her body?

 

 

That is just one of the story I can share or it will be too long as I sat at the road side with a lady selling grilled corn, I spoke to girls who's selling bread, I sat among hookers in Five Stars Hotel and many more. I just want us to be more generous with life. Stop or just please cease on complaining about every little thing that comes our way every now and then. As we complaint about one extra paperwork found on our desk this morning, think how persistent they are begging for work there. As we are complaining about the food in that restaurant too salty or tasteless, think if they have had any meal today. As we complaint that our body are too stiff and need massage, think if they have even had the chance to sit down resting for the tiny five minutes today. As we are updating status on Facebook, think if they can even read from A to Z. I'm not preaching here but if we could and allow our mind and body to be a little more adapting to life outside our comfort zone, I'm sure we are going to live better. Those are people who does not have any clue on what is there tomorrow but they never give up instead trying harder each day to live on this earth. As we are busy complaining to the left and right, you might never knew how many people are actually breathing their last breath. Complaining seldom take us to the next level, instead it might just waste our time and make us stressfully angry. Why do it then?

 

We have the whole world in front of us waiting to be explore. Why don't take the chance to make the best out of our life while we still can. Dreams and work on realizing it. Just know that no matter who we are, either the President of a country or just a garbage collector, we can never do enough for this life but that shouldn't stop us from trying. The smallest gesture or did can change a community or even a country. Believe that we shall all try to do some good. The enemies fight the hardest when they know God have something great for you in store so do not stop if people criticize you just once when you are trying to do something good. Have faith in God and do things sincerely from your heart.

 

 



 



 

What Is Perfect Beauty?

This is just something I want to share about experience that I face a lot. Excuse me, it's not a story of bragging. Just a reality which I think can be a little helpful to share here. Everywhere that I go, I heard a lot of compliments from total strangers. People who I don't have any clue at all and of course people that I know too. However, I wonder why the look always came first. To be honest, I'm just an average looking person but I heard a lot "You're beautiful.." Isn't that ironic? To me, everyone is beautiful. Then of course I will smile back and say thanks but usually I will sealed it with "You're beautiful too..."

At first I just found it pretty annoying from guys because I took it as sign of flirting or something but as I grew a little older, now I look at it from another different angle. It comes back to me as when you look at things more positively, everything will be better and... that smile. Smile is a free gift from the heart. It's free but invaluable. You will never know when you smile to someone that might be the best smile they saw for the day after a long struggling day they been through. It's courtesy and nice thing to do. Trust me, it's not that hard to smile, they can't tie 50Kg bag on people's lips so it's not heavy to curl up a little of your lips to smile. By the way, everyone looks better when they smile. Putting on a long sour face will not make you feel better anyway.

Few example here for your pleasure readings. I usually pass through the International airport security or Immigration pretty easily. It's not something good to say but after a really long flight and queue, won't everyone wish the officer to just stamp it and let you pass through instead of more questions with some suspicious look on their face? Few remarkable experience I had, in LA airport last year when the Immigration officer, a guy asked me "Have anyone here tell you yet that you're beautiful?" I'm too tired to answer promptly. Then instead of asking me what was I there for, he asked if I need hand with my luggage. Sweet isn't it? The next was Sydney airport... (Toot... Toot... They're one of the strictest in the world. They use sniffing dogs throughout the airport ok!) There's this guy who I don't know that he could be that speedy. He slipped a paper inside my passport with a note saying.. "Hey beautiful, call me in case you have any difficulties at this airport next time. XOXO" and signed by Ian. That's his name. And the last I wanted to share is at Dubai airport, the Immigration guy said "Today itself I've seen more than 250 faces on my counter since my duty started but you are the most beautiful face I saw in a long time.." How about that?

It's not just guys, believe me ladies too. Sometimes they said "You look sweet in red" or whatever color I'm wearing at that time. Sometimes they said "You make the dress look stunning.." and most recently, a policewoman at airport stopped me and asked "Where's your destination?" I wonder what's happening. I told her and showed her my boarding pass. She just smiled and said "Miss, you're so beautiful." Thanks to her. I was once stopped by 3 girls in the middle of G Street in Washington, DC. They came from the opposite direction and asked if they can just snap a shot with me. I said yes and they were so exhilarated! Before I walked away they asked how did I keep the figure and the beauty. Ok, another remark here. I'm neither in size 2 like super models nor have any gorgeous hourglass curve as Beyoncé. In fact I'm quite straight in figure. Neither do I have obvious noticeable lady humps! (front or back) All just ordinary..

Not to mentioned how sometimes during queue people will just say you may go first or they give me a little bit more for what I ordered for and even better bargain or discount when buying things. Okay, let's cut all this short. Why did people say "You're beautiful.." ? Why people from all different continents use this same word? Beautiful.. So I started to be curious to the meaning of beautiful in the eyes of everyone. But what really touched me is the younger generation. Little girls, teenage girls and unfortunately, boys too. That lead me to start asking questions. One of my friends used to say I have a fan base ranging from 5 years old to 65 years old. That was just a joke from him.

The few incidents that touched me were when girls brave up to approach me. They said I'm beautiful and they wish to look like me when they grow up. Hmmm.... Couple of years ago I did an event with our local women. Some of them brought their daughters along during each gathering. The ladies said let them learned from young age. So few girls there age between 5 to 9, five of them. First gathering all of them just sat aside watched us quietly. After few meet up, they took the chance to walked up to me while I was busy looking at their mothers practicing on something. Actually the 7 years old girl looked really nervous when they approached me. It was sweet, they addressed me as Miss Cassie. All of them said they want to grow up to be just like me. I was bumped! Didn't know how to react to that but as usual smile first. So I asked "Why want to be like me? What do you sweeties like about me? Now all the words and excitement came out of their mouth. "You're beautiful. You're tall. You're slim. You're smart. You're really nice and kind" and oops!! The youngest one said "All our mommies listen to you and my mommy really likes you. She talk a lot about you to everyone.." Feel like my brain stop functioning for a while at that little moment. Somehow excitement really sparks in their eyes when they talked and surrounded me. They showered me with lots of love and joy. They are so adorable and one thing I know for sure, they spoke from their heart.

Since I had that simple chance, I talked more with them and part of the rhythm of our conversation went like this:-

Me: Girls, what do you see as beautiful?
Girls: They shouted instantly at the same time "You!"
Me: Why me? What about me? Can you girls tell me slowly?
Girls: You are so perfect. Your face are beautiful. Your skin is fair. You are tall and slim. Your hair shiny and long. Your nails are pretty and ......
Me: Ok, thanks girls.. Is that all you see as beautiful?
Girls: (This is by the 9 years old) She said: You have nice pretty dresses and all your shoes are nice! (By this she mean high heels/stilettoes)
Me: Don't worry Darling. You will have all of this when you grow up.
Girls: Why my mommy don't have that?
Me: (I won't answer to that and I changed to something else) So you want to be like me when you grow up right? Why?
Girls: Because you look like those girls in the magazines and TV advertisements. So famous.. You walk like models too
Me: I want all of you to know that each one of you are beautiful. Very beautiful. Just promise me do not be mean to people. Can you? Always try your best to be nice to people okay..
Girls: Love your smiles. You are so nice, talking to us. You're outstanding in the crowd and you are not scared or shy talking in front of many people.

And the cute little crowd disperse...

Did you notice about the conversation? That was a direct impact from media. How many of us actually fallen into the stereotype beauty? Medias only present girls with certain look while fashion shows parading extra slim and tall girls! What come to our mind then? Only girls like them are considered beautiful and they will live famously. Everyone love them and want to be like them. How many of us actually look like them? The honest truth, not many.. We are all real everyday people that comes in many size, shapes, height, build and one thing for sure we are all unique in our own way.

Another quite sickening beauty trend. The nip and tuck under knife procedure in the name of beauty. Yes! Plastic surgery. Why do we have to do that? Bigger eyes, sharp pointed nose, popping high cheek bones, sharp chin, boobs job and all the possible things. Don't you think that the features we have are from our creator? He gave us our own identity and he made each one of us over a billion population on this earth to be unique! There might be a look alike person somewhere. Similar yes but never the same. There is no second you or me in this world.

There was even one girl during a friend's wedding. She was so attached to me that day. She's the bride's niece. At the end of the wedding reception, this little 8 years old girl asked her mom if she can allow me to drop her home. She wanted to spend time with me so ended up I drove her home. In the car, she asked "Can you please make my face like yours?" I didn't know what to say but I noticed her so I told her "I wish to have a nose like yours and a define lips like yours. They are so pretty." She looked puzzle and she asked me "really?" She reacted like it was the first time someone told her that. I asked her to look into the mirror everyday and see how beautiful she is and she still call me on phone until now.

I wish everyone know they are beautiful. Do not let the beauty being so narrowly define. Real beauty comes in every shape, size and color. By the way I told the girls nobody is perfect. In fact I don't have the exact definition of "perfect" in a human being. I told them I don't have sharp nose, I have flaws and scars too. I have extra fat here and there and that help keep me warm sometimes. I use make up to enhance what is there not to change my face. I know I am blessed for the little height I have and somewhat a lean body. I don't starve myself, I eat everything that I want. I eat whenever I feel hungry. Live your life the way you want it. Make sure to live a good and healthy life. If you're too busy observing someone else because you want to be like them the result is you are living his or her life not yours. Don't let it be too late to the point when you realize you don't even know the real you anymore because it has been too long you're living the life of someone else. Remember life can be too short if we don't live it well and there's nothing permanent in life. With a blink of eyes, time pass us by. Whether you're using braces or have birth marks, who give them the right to say you're not beautiful? If your natural looks provokes anyone, forget about them. Just know that everyone have their own flaws. Please keep in mind magazine advertisements mostly is the end result done by professionals. A simple photo shoots involved so many people in it and Photoshop is kind of magic too.

We have the whole world in front of us to explore. Explore it, live your life. Don't live and bound to the stereotype beauty. Looks, undeniably is very important but that perfect beauty we sought after isn't everything that we need in this life. Be you and let's imagine beauty as the source of confident and well being not anxiety or worries which lead us to low self-esteem. You're beautiful.

So what exactly is perfect beauty? I guess there is nothing really is.






 

Welcome to Tania's Little Secret...

Guys, sorry that I need to share this story with all of you. Some part of it might be quite intimidating and provocative to some of us but I wouldn't hide it because it happens around us. I believe it is everywhere. Though disgusting for some of you, I believe it's worth a share. Why would I want to share something that is hurtful if there's no reason behind it. This is something I would say an advice for women from a woman who wish to cultivate a better generation of women and even men. Come on! Everything about women is directly or indirectly related to men. You read the story and you judge it yourself. I hope we can rebuild respect for women from the tiniest step, sharing a story of someone who made a permanent life mistake just because she was temporary angry, frustrated and upset during her teen time and now she is stuck with this kind of life almost permanently. I believe in teaching and nurturing from early age. Every woman was once a girl and every girl will one day be a woman. I've been a girl and now I'm a woman, deep within I think it is important for me to help young girls through their challenging time. As our world change through the century, people's lives change too. The high lifestyle demand and every social calling is a pressure to meet up with.

 

Welcome to Tania's life. Tania is a bright cute girls during her childhood, I guessed it from some photos that she showed me. She's always cheerful, smiling and happy. Just like the phrase "Little girl is made of sugar, spice and everything nice." However, things change during her teen time when her needs are different. She needs someone to talk to. She needs more attention and she didn't get what she wanted. So her inner-self started to rebel and she grew up a little faster that her peers. At the age of fourteen she had the enthusiast for boys , the opposite sex and she wished she had the chance to talk more about it with her mom but she didn't get that chance. Tania's mom was working full time and her work involved a lot of outstation travelling then. Her father was fully based in another state which only managed to come home every other month for few days. She was always surrounded by two younger siblings and her maternal grandma who were always too busy entertaining her Mahjong pals. She did not have anyone that she could really turn to or talk to at home and this has shifted her trust and interest to friends instead of family.

 

However Tania does not like to befriend her peers, she chose to find friends who are much older because she thought they will make her seemed cool in the eyes of other kids. When she was fourteen, the friend she had were aged around nineteen to twenty five. That was according to what she told me. She felt on top of the world when she was surrounded by them. They told her many things that got her into excitement. She trusted them so much that each time they told her it was fine to try something, she would not hesitate to try. Trying things for her mean up to the extreme. First started with few sips of booze. From few sip she upgraded to glasses and so forth. She confessed she love the tipsy light headed feeling and the silly head spinning. Drunk is the word! Under heavy alcohol influence, she laughed a lot and not really sure of what happened around her. She wasn't sure how was her first time happened. It was only realized by her the next morning when she woke up feeling really sore in her intimate area with some blood show on her underwear. She even felt ache on several part of her body. When she go for a thorough checked in front of the mirror was when she saw at least ten bruises on her legs, arms and tummy area with few nails scratches on her neck. She was really scared and trembling hard. She tried to refresh her memory but not much was there for her to remember. All that she could remember was she hanged out with four guys that night. Her so-called friends, she drink with them and the last thing in her head for the night before was Stan who sent her home.

She sat at the edge of her cute comfy bed.. Paused and didn't realized that tears ran down her cheeks. She finally knew what happened last night. She try to deny it but she can't. She had all the hard evidence that she was molested and raped with some flavour of violence!! She was really scared but didn't know what to do. She will never tell that to her parents or her grandma. She thought of asking those guys she hanged up with but she was too scared too. She locked up in the room the whole day and escaped school telling her grandma she was not feeling well as Mom was away for work that week. Again, her grandma will never ask further because she was too busy with her own agenda. Tania was depressed. Although she was a little wild then she confessed that she do want her first time to be special and memorable. Not this way. Uncertain and painful. It's humiliating too. She cried so hard because she was thinking were those guys laughing at her when it happened? Did all of them responsible for the ordeal? Is she safe? Were they clean or free from and sexual diseases? All those questions knocked on her head non stop. She was there left to wonder how to move on. We are talking about a fourteen years old girl here. She was still too fragile and naïve at that age.

Few days after the incident, on the way back from school as she walked, her nightmare appeared. It was Stan there approaching her. She felt her face flushed red as her eyes caught his! She was ashamed and humiliated to face that guy in front of her. Her body hurt and her heart squeezing hard like it's going to forced to stop beating. Stan came straight to her asking how is she. Her silence did not stopped him from keep talking. He goes on and on talking about those few days activities. To her own shock, Tania was surprised to feel comfort and calm hearing Stan non stop bubbling! She started to smile and talked back to him. She forgot what she supposed to ask him! What happened that night!! She didn't asked a word instead she accepted to hang up with him again that night.

 

I am not here to judge or defame her. I am here to tell her story with her permission. Something I believe should be share with all our girls. Mothers everywhere and fathers too, please spend more time with your children. Be their school, their best buddy, their most trusted person, their comfort zone and all that they need. That time Stan was a 22 years old cool guy who was gaining the trust of a 14 years old girl. Being good looking and fashionable in that era does give lots of advantage to him.

So the stories goes on for Tania that she neither scared nor shy away from sexual intercourse anymore from that moment. She was almost addicted to sex and she went adventurous, daring and rough too because she found joy and excitement in it. Being with older guys mean they do take precaution so she admitted as daring as they were, they make sure it will always be safe sex. It is kind of frighten me when I think and imagine all that she mentioned. There are some details a little extreme to be share here. From her facial expression as she talk to me, I do not think that she regretted any of those. She is happy and seems quite proud to tell me that the most she handled was four guys at once. I do not want to think or even imagine it. I felt goose bumps all over my arms when she smiled saying that. Four at once!! Really??

Why I'm sharing Tania story is because I want all of us to view into the life of some people when at some point of life especially younger time, there might be a mistake they did which will later on stuck with them all their life. Some people regretted and try to change to be better but some will live on with it forever. As for Tania, she is not regretting any of it. She confessed that she really found happiness in what she's doing. She have extreme desire for sex and she laughed that she can't remember how many sex partner she had. I'm feeling deeply sorry for someone. He is Tania's husband! Yes she is 37 now, married with kids.. And truly painful to say that she has not stop what she is doing and there is no sign of slowing down yet. I mean her extraordinary desires for sex. She definitely can't stick to one man.

As usual I will tell people, "Follow your heart, do what make you happy. Let people say what they want to say as long as you know you're right. People will never stop talking bad about others because for some, putting others down make them feel better for themselves." But in Tania's situation, I do pray that she will change to be a better person. I'm not saying she's bad but what she is living is not good. She is a beautiful woman however, things she did decreased her value. I still strongly believe why she chose to befriend older people during her teen is because she can't wait to grow up. She thought grown up will make her independent like her friends and no one will tell her what to do. And why she have more male friends, because she missed a father figure. She was missing father's love and she felt loved being with those guys. I wish only for her well being and one day may she found what really makes her happy. I am not sure what she did now gives her pure happiness. It might have stuck as her habit but how does that give her joy.

When You Think of Call it Quit, Think Again...

Took a walk on one foggy night. The night was chill, blurry and it was so tranquil that you can hear only the tiny bugs making their sounds. The dark of the night seems to soothe the misery deep inside. Light seems really far away, it is dimming slowly. The fog are thick all over! You could see your hard breath pushing steam to the air. The vision is blurred and it felt so much similar to what is inside your head. In your head everything is blurry, unclear and in a big mess too. You goes on wondering what or where has went wrong.. Wishing so much you could find where does all the mess begin and put everything to an end but it is truly impossible. How do you end something when you don't even know where does it begin. At the sharp bark of a dog you're awaken from your faraway thought. This is when all your decades of life come flashing in front of your eyes like projector playing a video presentation. Your sweet childhood, where all the laughter are and silly play make you really happy. Your energetic teenage years when you begin exploring more about this world and your seemingly comfortable early adulthood until now, the boiling point of life. You had a good life but where has thing messed up? You wish someone is there to point it out to you what have you done wrong to deserve what you're living now.

When everything seems so wrong that nothing is right anymore. When you ended up fall so hard after all those humiliating stumbles. When the day only threw the harshest coldness and blazing flames to your face. Each time is worse than the previous ones. You have nowhere or no one to turn to when you needed them the most. When everyone you know has raises their invincible walls against you. When your voice are no longer heard and your presence seems spooky as a nightmare to people who used to be around you. All that you could do is crying silently in a grossly pain because even the tears has dries up from your eyes. I bet what you feel is everything good in this world has gone, leaving you alone behind to crawl till you break. The agony pushing you so hard that the deep darkness is all you're hoping for when your day will finally end and your weaken heart quit beating. The best of your determination has now turn to the worst of desperation. The angel and demon inside of you are trying so hard to convince you to listen to either of them. Each one is giving you the thought to overpower the other. Now is your decision at the most desperate time to decide who you're going to listen to. Your final decision will either make you or break you. If it doesn't kill you, it will definitely making you much stronger.

If you think you're one of those who face the worst out of life, think again. There's always someone facing situation worst than yours somewhere out there. To all the damned, the lost and the forgotten. Here I am pleading you not to lose the spark of hope inside of you. Never try to force the light of life inside of you to end prematurely, there is the most powerful heavenly force up there. When our time come, there is no way we could escape it but when it is not yet the time, we will keep living no matter how is the situation. He is there to judge and decide for us.

When there's worries inside of us, as a typical human being we will start using our immense power of thinking negatively. Our imagination went negative, our thinking and eventually our life went negative too because each second pass, you're drawing the negative energy closer to you instead of pushing it away. I know it's easier say than do but most of those successful people are able to put their desperation into opportunity and they make it excited. You know why, because when you're excited you are drawing positivity near you and you'll look at problem in a different way. Try to take the worries away then you can think properly. Wasting all the time sitting down thinking about your worries isn't going to take you further. It will make things worse because the longer you sit, the longer you delay on things. The longer you delay, the more you're accumulating problem. Come on! You have the whole world waiting for you to explore and make the best out of it. Get up and face it. Without you knowing, you might stand up higher and firmer now than ever before. Be the change that you wish to see in this world.





 

A True Love Story Lives On...

It was as merry and noisy as usual here this morning. Everyone is occupied with 

something. Some walking by, chatting, laughing, having their breakfast while some 

preparing food as ordered and some humble happy guys around too are busy 

serving drinks. I sat there alone looking around observing people around me. I'm 

glad to see those happy faces but still I'm guessing what is in everyone's mind. I'm 

trying to understand people but can never get it all right as we are now living in a 

world full of disguise and everyone have to be cameleon at certain time. Just look 

at why artificial lemon flavor is use for welcoming drinks while real lemon uses in 

fingers bowl. I am not usual with love story but this time it is so happen to be a
love story which I would love to share.

 

Typical meal time in Asia food court

Tapping on my tab suddenly someone passing by caught my attention. A young 

Chinese boy. Fairly enough to say he is around 18 years old. Ok, don't divert your 

mind. Yes, he caught my attention but it is not an attraction. He was holding a toddler 

seems to be age slightly few months more than 1 year old. The way he treated the 

baby boy so lovingly delivered me few thoughts. Could be his nephew, his friend's 

son or perhaps his own son but that would be another almost child having child case 

because he does look young to be a father. I even thought if he's really the father of 

that toddler, does he know what is he doing or how ready he is to be a father at that 

young age himself. (NOTE: Just a little sharing about us. Here in Malaysia we are diverse in 

many ways. There are many races and religions practice here. The majority races are Malay,

Chinese and Indian. Then there are the Iban, Bidayuh, Orang Ulu, Kadazan, Bajau, Serani, 

Baba & Nyonya and many more. Malaysia are consist of Peninsular Malaysia, Sabah and 

Sarawak. The people who lives in the Peninsular Malaysia and Borneo part of Malaysia are 

quite different too. Do not get it wrong when I said he is a Chinese boy. He is not from China, 

he is Chinese Malaysian. We still call ourselves as Chinese, Indian, Malay, Iban and more, 

it's not an offense for us.)

 

He walked towards me slowly. Actually it was towards one food stall which is 

right behind me. Heard him ordering quite a lot of take away food. He have this 

innocent, humble, nice face and careless grooming type of guy. As his eyes

 caught mine, he smiled. Oh! I just smiled back. He stood there carrying a baby 

with already 2 boxes of takeaway food from the other stall. In my quest to strike a 

conversation with him, I just said to him "Hello, you can sit here if you want. 

I'm alone. It's ok. Your baby seems a little tired." I pointed at the seat opposite

mine. He smile and say thanks a lot. He didn't reject my offer. He sat down just 

there. I know we only have a short time to talk and by the way I don't know if he

would even want to talk about anything.

 

Looking at the cheerful baby with clear eyes so I started to ask if it is his son. 

Well, yes he said. I can't stop this questioning time. I know he will walk away

 if I did eventually annoys him. And I quickly asked how old is he himself. 

He does not think twice and  answered spontaneously. He said "I'm 19 and 

my son is 18 months now." Wow! My calculation went really fast in my 

mind. 18 months plus 9 months of pregnancy make it a total of 27 months. 

That's equivalent to 2 years and 3 months. Minus his own 19 years of age. 

You count it, how old was he when he started to be a father. Because of his 

nice face and manner, I told myself I have to hear his story if he's willing to

 tell me more. The next question in my head was how young is his wife if he's

 just 19! So I have to ask. I just ask if his wife is around. The answer to this 

question was the answer that really make me keen to write and share this story 

with all of you. Guess what he said? He smiled upon hearing my question, 

probably the most sincere smile since we start talking over that table and his eyes

 shines. You know why, because it is the year 2013 now. True love stories has 

been rare since decades ago! As years goes by and decade changing, our priority 

and needs has change too. As much as we deny things why are we crying over 

love movies? Why do we wish we could love or feel love like those stories in 

books or in the movies. 

 



"No, she is not here now. I met her a while ago at her house, just taking my 

boy out as our routine time spending together. She's so beautiful. She is the 

one I really love but she is never yet my wife. One day I will be better and 

good enough to ask her father for her hand. I hope she don't have to wait 

for too long for that day to come, for I want to live longer to love and care 

for her than to keep her waiting any longer. Everyday is wasted for us to live 

apart.." He paused for few second then he continue.. A little change now from 

his sparkling eyes when he talked about the girl he love. "But I have to take 

my time for I promise her family that I will never let her suffer. I will come 

for her when I can take care of her. I dare not to promise the best for her 

but I want to give her comfort, care, love, loyalty and protections." I think 

I must have dropped my jaw there. I thought he was just a boy who have to 

take responsibilities from his mistake but this is not. This is far beyond that. 

They are very sure their baby is from love, not from lust or wild desire.

 

 

 

I know his food is coming now and we are running out of time. I just 

realized that I didn't even ask his name. He said he is Kong. I braven up to 

asked if I can chat more with him and I would love if his wife can join us the 

next time. I know she is not yet his wife officially but to them in their heart, 

they has been husband and wife long ago. To my surprise he said yes. He

 even pass me his number so that I can call him up. I'm glad he is nice but I 

will never know what he think about me in his head or what is his description 

about me if he would tell this to someone. Maybe that weird busy body lady 

but when he left, he said "Bye.. I will see you soon with my love , Ying" 

I told him I can't wait. At least now I have names. The love story of 

Kong and Ying. We will never know what might happen tomorrow for we 

are still living today, live it and love like there is no tomorrow. There are so 

many people out there who missed the chance to say "I love you or I really

care for you" to the one they really love just to find out they are too late 

where that person is forever gone and what they shared is now memories. 

I will share more of their story soon.