It is that Season of the year again.... Merry Christmas

     On this day, 24th Dec 2012... A day before Christmas, it's that time again when everybody at home making all the noise of joy and happiness. The laughters, warm hugs, teasing each other, sharing of sweet secrets with your closest sibling  or whoever that is close to you. There will be a lot of surprise faces with big round eyes. Also lots of funny grins and teasing each other joyfully. December as we all know it, is a month of holiday and almost the best season of the year. Though with all our joy and happiness, don't forget that there are lonely souls somewhere out there who needed some of our reasons to be happy. Sometimes, it is neither the nice gifts nor the elaborate Christmas decoration or even the grand feast that can heal the loneliness within... It's the presence of someone so dear to our heart that we're missing. Nice warm hug, smile and caring pats can turns all sorrows into smiles. There is something missing in me too right now. A deep feeling of loneliness.



    Why do we love Christmas? When I was a little kid, maybe about four years old I remember asking my parents why there is no snow falls during Christmas outside our home because all the movies on TV showed snow falls during Christmas in their place. Remember "Home Alone"? I don't know where those places are then but it seems so far away. You can see how naive I was back then asking why the people on TV, in our Christmas books and magazines have different hair colors. Here everyone hairs are mainly black and of course white or grey that they called it that piled on Grandpa's crown. As far as I remember, that was my first lesson about the season called Winter and I am curious since that day, the few days before Christmas 1987. I told myself I will stand under a snowy sky one day to feel snow fall on my skin. Then of course along the way I learned about Summer, Spring and Autumn too.



     Then the other tradition is to open presents on Christmas morning. That was obviously full of tension because we fought for presents then. There were pushing, pulling, laughing and the loudest cried during the fight for presents. Being children, we are strong enough to always fight for the biggest present. The biggest always mean the best because we were yet to understand that best thing can come in the smallest package. Our parents have their own way of doing things, they don't put name on the presents. We noticed the size of the packages are different so the things wrapped inside won't be the same at all. I guess they need to see their children behaviors. Who's greedy, naughty or nice? What am I? I won't tell that.

      Now, who is Santa Claus? He's a legendary character also known as Saint Nicholas, Father Christmas and simply "Santa", also Sinterklaas as a figure with legendary, mythical, historical and folkloric origins who, in many Western Cultures, is said to bring gifts to the homes of the good children during the late evening and the over night of Christmas on the 24 December. According to the tradition which can be traced back to 1820s, Santa lives in the North Pole, he have flying reindeers that pulls his sleigh and magical elves who help him making toys in his workshop. Santa Claus is generally depicted as a portly, joyous, white-bearded man sometimes with spectacles—wearing a red coat with white collar and cuffs, white-cuffed red trousers, black leather belts and boots.  This image became popular in the United States and Canada in the 19th century due to the significant influence of Clement Clarke Moore's 1823 poem "A Visit From St. Nicholas" and of caricaturist and political cartoonist Thomas Nast. This image has been maintained and reinforced through song, radio, television, children books and films. Everybody loves Santa though when I was a kid I said all our Santa in Malaysia is not real as Santa should be Caucasian. Sorry about that. 

      Christmas (In old English as Crīstesmæsse, meaning "Christ's Mass"is an annual commemoration of the birth of Jesus Christ and a widely observed holiday, celebrated generally on December 25 by millions of people around the world. A feast central to the Christian liturgical year, it closes the Advent season and initiates the twelve days of Christmastide.

      Let me end this post with a Merry Christmas wishes to everyone in this world. May all of you have a great celebrations and great time with your love ones. Although some of you who might not be able to celebrate it the joyful way, say a little prayer to God and the birthday boy, our Christ the Saviour.. He will ease your pain and He know what you're going through.

This is a little tribute to the family of the shooting victims in Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut, USA. May their souls rest in peace. Please click on this link:

http://www.ctvnews.ca/world/one-week-later-the-bells-toll-for-newtown-s-shooting-victims-1.1087962

They need our prayers to keep them strong.

Be Happy, Everyone Deserve to be Happy...

Have you pass a day when you got so angry at someone in any possible way? It can be something that we can just smile and laugh at but instead it turn to be an anger. Maybe as little as someone crossing the road while you were driving and you who rush to nowhere was actually annoyed by this person that walked awfully slow in front of you. Means what? A minute of your time equals to thousand bucks? What about his time or her time? Doesn’t cost anything at all? Or their hobbies are purely wasting time? I don’t know about that but I have seen a lot of these unpleasant scenes. Some even wine down and yelled!!  Ooopss! Adding it with some nasty face, hand or fingers actions and bad words. What is it for is unclear, whether just for self-satisfaction in putting someone else down or just frustration or maybe it seems like a joke to mock on other people. If we encode that simple scenario, for me I guess it will come to few reasons. Have our lives change to a fast lane only without the needs of courtesy because it’s too fast that courtesy slowing us down by a few minutes…

 

Do you want to look like this?

 

 Some people are up there above us by their birth right, some people making it themselves through hard works and sweats and some people trying to be there because they wanted to. For whatever reason, it is important to know what is our life priority.

When you don’t see tears on a person eyes, it doesn’t mean that they are not hurting. We, human beings are the best in disguising our feelings. Asked yourself, have you been laughing hysterically when you are angry? Have you been smiling all day when you are sad? And have you been annoyed when you’re really excited? Yes, I did sometimes. I am no saint but I think our life will be better if we try to be more honest to ourselves. If we are unhappy, try hard to find the core of the problem. When you did eventually found the cause, try your best to make a change if you can. I mean really try to do something about it not by saying I have tried but it doesn’t work out well. I can’t deny there are things which happened that we can never change anymore. The last time I checked there is no existing time machine for us to go back and change our past mistakes. Do also know that we are human; we are susceptible to make and live with mistakes here and there but never take that as a good excuse for ill manners or behavioural disorder. I believe when we are happy, our life will be blooming beautifully. If you really think you need helps, reach out for it.

Everyone has the right to be angry but it is not such a pretty face aint it?

 

Another scenario is when you’re happy; it doesn’t mean everyone else is happy. You might be jumping head over heels upon hearing the best news you have been long waiting for. Maybe accepted to your dreams University, career promotions or the girl or guy you really have crush for finally say yes for a date with you. Familiarized ourselves with the reality of life and this will helps us achieve a greater life. When you’re sharing your joy with someone else and this person doesn’t seems to care much or seems not paying enough attention; don’t quickly judge them. Perhaps asked if something or someone is bothering them. Remember at some point, sharing is really caring. It is also undeniable to me that some people are as hard as a rock when comes to sharing their problem. In our society today, it seems hard to find a real person that we can find trust and comfort in. Sharing our disappointment and problem with some wrong ears will cause more turmoil than we could ever imagine. With social media and gossip lovers everywhere, two ears that listened to your problems can spread it to hundreds of ears and eyes within a short few days. Come on people, can we be more kind towards other. Just simply put yourself in their shoes, that’s all.

We are all educated at schools and probably everyone watched National Geographic at some points. We know the truth about food chain in the wild woods or deep oceans. Those are the nature as its existence since thousands or millions years ago, the strong lives on and the weak oppressed. Little that we know, we almost all turn that way. Everyone in every direction is searching and finding way to reach the top so that we can feel the power to press some other people lower. I say it again that life improvement is forever good news, that’s how the world keep seeing new and great inventions that make our life easier but the unknown processes during the making of history can take a toll at making some people lives miserable. Just keep this in mind, nothing last forever on this earth. What comes to live will eventually go back to the Mighty creator. That is our life chain. So while we are living on this earth, count it a blessing that we can still open our eyes and breathe airs to our lungs. Another day of life let us make it another meaningful day to count. Start counting your good deeds; it is never too late to start. Everyday will be a good day if you can just donate a smile to people. It is definitely not too heavy to moves your lips. The little nice gestures we make towards someone can be the best thing they have for the day. Let’s be kind and make this life better.

She's the Boy I Used to Know...

I catch a glimpse of her as she’s coming from afar. Her typical walk, swaying her hips to the left to the right so softly and rhythmically. With a big bag hanging on her left shoulder, her right hand was busy swiping her yellowish hair away from her face. Oh! What a breeze out there. I paused for a moment as to find the right definition of her at that point, should I call it elegant or quite a little messy. I waived at her with smile hoping she will see me through this big clear wall of glass. With a broad smile she winked and waived back at me. Now she hurried her steps as she knew she was obviously late for our meeting that afternoon.

Pushed the glass door open, she walked straight to me. With a little sorry in her eyes, she said “Sorry Cass, I am running a little late.” I smiled though deep in my heart, I am not so fond, thirty minutes doesn’t really count as a little late, mind you! However, I pardon her as I like her and I need her throughout this meeting. . “It’s alright Judy, just a little late; take a sit now will you?” Then she sat down so obediently while taking her deep breath and I let her to fully settle down for a little while.

“Now Judy, anything for you? Drinks or snacks? We don’t have much choice here aren’t we?“  It was half past three in the afternoon and we were in a cosy little cafe. I chose the rendezvous place because I craved for the perfect smell of latte as my day has started since 5am that blessed day. She went through the menu selections silently. As she stood in front of the ordering counter, she tapped her left pointer on her chin thinking what she would like to have. She didn’t stand straight too, in a little awkward position to me as she bent here and there. Maybe because I always stand straight, guess everyone is different. Her right leg bent backward about forty five degree from the knee, only the tip of her toes touched the floor. I can really sense that the guy at the counter looked way irritated by Judy, as if he would pursue her away in a matter of minutes.

Gosh! What did I do? Would like to apologize to Judy as I can’t help it; my eyes and mind drawn naturally to observe her way, so many interesting facts surrounding her and her life. There she came, done with her order. Smiled in relieved that we were about to start our friendly interviewed. I was the unofficial interviewer.

Now let me share a little about Judy with all of you. Didn’t mean to offend anyone with this stories and I am doing this with Judy’s permission. I hope to be able to give a little understanding about the life of people like Judy. They are just like any of us but the choice they made, make it all different. I happened to bump into her again about three years ago after all those long years and I braved up to ask if she was the same person I used to know. A little shocked to know she was. She was quite polite though she really puzzled as who I am. I mentioned about the street I used to see her walked by, the year and even description of our parents’ former house. She knew the details but really she doesn’t know me. I would fully understood her because that ‘little chit’ then was just a bit too observance. Never mind that…

To begin, I have known of Judy at my early years. Precisely when I was just nine while then Judy would have easily been a ripe seventeen years old. Didn’t know much about but used to see Judy walked by the street quite often. As I well remember the name stated on the school uniform then was JUDE. This, as I was taught about gender by my parents, teachers at school and basically everybody that I know; I confidently identified Jude as a boy. Basically his appearance, his hair style, his build, his clothing and all, he is a boy! I knew that for certain.

And here we are now, let me introduce Judy. She’s the boy I used to know as Jude.

“Here comes your chocolate milk shake Miss J…” The waiter announced. I heard the annoyance in his voice as he pronounced Miss J but slap that off. We weren’t there to annoy anyone. Then he turned to me with his smile, probably the best smile of the day and said “Miss Gorgeous, is there anything else that I can get for you?” I gazed at him and answered friendly “Perhaps two glass of water for both me and Miss J….. will be fine thank you.” Sure! He replied. I purposely pronounced Miss J with a long sound of J….. as he did it. Judy tap lightly on my hand.. “It’s okay Cass, don’t mind them. I’m used to that.”

“Gosh! Judy, how could you let it happened just like that? It’s painful enough for me just to see it. Can’t imagine how you feel about all these ill treatments here and there” I said to her, then she replied “Simple, just ignore them. I’m numb so does all my types. Listening to or feeling those insults doesn’t do me any good.” She laughed lightly.

Here we can see the discrimination and the ill acceptance of the transvestite individuals or ‘pondan’ (as they are call locally) by the public. Though they are almost everywhere, they are not really well treated all the time. They are few details Judy would like to share with us. Some might not really be a pleasure reading but I just want us to understand how is their lives live daily been mocked at times, yelled with some cruel names and under privilege. I feel glad that she would accept my request about this simple discussion. Like most of us know, they don’t simply mix or befriended anyone. They are most comfortable being among themselves, trusting each other and moving around together. They can rather be cold and unfriendly too.

Warming up the conversation, I asked her when did she first started to feel that she don’t like the gender she was born as. She stopped for a while, obviously remembering the history. Then she said as early as ten years old. I asked how and why? She smiled saying don’t know but she fancied women clothing, including women’s under wears. She always wishes to wear them and imagine having the pretty humps on her chest to be able to put on brassieres. From the clothing, she added interest on women’s accessories, hairstyles and even make up. Basically, everything about women. Surrounding by all this fantasy, he completely forgot that he is a boy. In Judy’s case, she was born a straight perfect boy without impair on genital like some unfortunate cases of transgender or incomplete forming of genital. Thus it can be quite hard for me to believe that it can be possible just like that.

She saw me paused and she broke the silence, mentioned media too have a big influence on her transformation process. She was obsessed and still is with those nearly nude women bodies in music videos, magazines and even advertisement that make her to feel that being a female, she will be adore.

At thirteen, Jude start acted strange that his family started to put more attention. Instead of playing with other boys his peers outside, he chose to stay in house feared the afternoon sun would darken his skin. He picked on different interest as to do domestic chores, cooking and groomed himself well to look more feminine. His father got so mad that he scolded him over and over again because he is humiliating them.

Still lived in his parents’ home forced him to obey their rules. He did not even give up on his interest. Respecting them he did it quietly. As time goes on it became more extreme that he found his ‘type’ of friends outside. Some are much older that they taught him all the lessons that made him who he is today. Few months before he turn eighteen, he eventually moved out of his parents’ home with the excuse of needing a place nearer to his working place. He lived with all his friends. He has finally declared himself as a female. Free to do whatever he want and wears whatever she likes. Until today, she confessed she had never regretted her decision to be a female.

Living on her own with friends at the age of eighteen means she has to live within her own mean. With her kinky appearance that she is neither a male nor female, it is very hard for her to be able to land on a proper decent job. She spent years working at local open eateries as a dish washer. Low paid means it is hard for her to have saving or even buying pretty things. As she sighed, one of her housemates suggested her to do extra ‘job’ at night which will certainly helped her earning extra income. Little did she know; this means flesh trade! The older housemate assured her that she doesn’t have to do it if she didn’t like it but she can try whenever she is ready. She did it thinking about the extra income which will do her well. 

That is the beginning of her world of sex trade or better known as prostitution. In the beginning, it was really awkward for her but after just few occurrences; she related it as very easy. She laughed when she said that but she can never deny that I saw a fiery regret through her eyes. She does not have to elaborate this as it is our common senses that nobody will be proud to admit that they are prostitute. Walking down the streets with appealing outfits, calling out for any cars pass by. That can never be a decent sight.

Trying to hold her tears, she admitted that the most heart breaking part was when some pervert or ill-mannered guys just drove closer pretending to seek for services but instead spitted on them, sometimes threw things on them especially rotten things, yelled with words like “You smelly dirty thing!!”, laughed at them for fun or even just molested them without care. I held my own tears from falling, wondering if I can still go on but I focused on her. Somehow at the bottom of my heart, I think individuals like Judy must have known what the circumstances of what they’re into are. The insults are just part of it because as prostitute, she had already lost all the pride and respect of a decent human being. This is when I realized that even people who are involved in sex trade are still considered being raped. Why was that? Because at times they are drove away by the so-called customers far away, forced sex with violence without being paid and ditched there when they are done and have to find their own way home in pain. Cruel! That’s the only word playing in my head. Enough with this already!

As I spent time sitting quite closely to Judy, I noticed that whatever she did, she can never change to be fully female. Her hands and legs are man’s own. The apple of her throat is bulging heavily. Perspire quite heavily compared to a typical woman and the rougher skin on her face with a strong facial bone. I almost jumped from the sofa when realizing the question just slipped out of my mouth!! “Judy, you shave don’t you?” Saw some obvious razor cuts on her chin. Oh no! Hoping so much she doesn’t get offended but she don’t. She said “Yes dear, almost every other day.” Phew…

Try to cut short on this conversation, I wrapping up with Judy on few other things. She confirmed that she is not doing the sex trade anymore. She had been doing it for long twelve year. She also confessed that fortunate that she know how to handle money quite carefully that she have little saving which gave her the chances to enrol into sewing, baking and make up courses. Now she is earning her income genuinely taking order for festival cakes, making clothes and occasional make-up artist. Thanks to Judy for allowing me to share this with you.

It took me a while after that conversation with her that I even dreamt few times until I finally get over it. She has a dear friend who was splashed with fish guts while walked to a signalling car thought it was a customer who waived at her. She recalled the laughter that came along with the splashing was so mean. She was pushed to fall in her stilettoes few times causing her to twist her ankle and suffered. She had been ripped off her clothes and her wigs pulled away by men too so I understood she must have had enough of those and wanted a change for a better life. Imagine a double life of dishwasher during the day and a prostitute at night over the years. Does she ever have enough sleep during those years?

What we really wants to wear....

Before I even get started, I’m so sorry guys for not updating the blog for quite a while. Keeping up with me has been a little tough lately. More and more work to do but I know I can cope up with it. Now… Let’s check out the fashion street talk this time.

Once upon a time…

Though I’m a little too young to really know much about fashion then, I never completely ignore it too. From what been reporting on TV, showcases in malls, newspapers and magazines cover displays, quietly I did observe and admired. Imagine seeing some crop top (especially T-shirts) with few folds on the sleeves and acid wash Jeans!!! As a child then, how naïve I was! I took that as what cool kids must have and do. Can’t really blamed me too, it was everywhere on TV shows and those who were wearing it show lots and lots of confident but somehow, I don’t remember I ever have any acid wash jeans. Mom won’t buy those.

 

 

Acid Wash Jeans 80's trend

Cropped T-Shirt with folded sleeves

 



What I’m talking about right now is the fashion era of 80’ and 90’s, when there was a sense that you could ensemble anything on the runway and by infusing it with the glamour of fashion and the runway, people would definitely buy it. I always remembered seeing some ridiculous pieces on the magazine fashion spreads while waited for my Mom to get her hair done and started wondering “Who is going to buy or even wear that?” Then soon enough, sure we’d saw from the news reporting on someone especially celebrities caught wearing those funny pieces and walk down the streets.

Cropped top with acid wash jeans short. Remember wearing or saw anyone wearing this ensemble?

 

However, to my real sense, I think that era is well and truly gone by now and clothing lines ‘mastermind’ do have to be mindful of what real people want to wear and it is not the kind of “I’m dying for attention” show pieces. I am not disrespectful about Lady Gaga on her Gaga Signature style but would you wear a dress made of fresh meat to your company award gala night? Or would you take a risk wearing those sky high heel-less platform shoes? I don’t know about you but I don’t think I ever will. Lady Gaga definitely need those to boost up her career, get her fans keep talking and following on her iconic style. What about us? The real everyday people. We certainly don’t face the day waiting for paparazzi or tabloids reporters to snap a shot or wrote a piece about what we wear or what we do. We also don’t sit down and start checking our Twitter or Facebook account by counting on followers and numbers of viewers to our videos or photos.

When designers went too creative.... These are some of the creations

We have to face the day at work doing what we do best. Whether teaching children at school, transacting cash at bank, cashiering at supermarket, consulting clients, convincing customers at stores; whatever we do all of us have the responsibilities to look professional at work. We don’t want to wear any ridicule outfits and look like the lost souls who were total fashion victims.

For me, what I really want in clothes are those wearable, well-made and won’t falling apart pieces, far from creating accidental peek-a-boo scene at any wrong time or wrong spot. Still there is another priority for me. It is the level of comfort while wearing them. I don’t want to look fine but unable to sit properly because that tiny cute dress might rip apart. Toot... Toot… It has to bear decent price tags too. Not everyone can dig into their purse and pay for thousands of dollars just for that hot designers figure hugging mini dress. Even if we could, where are we going with it and how many times can we wear that?  So everyone, let’s be wise. Check out more often, I’ll reveal the secret of dress your shape, not your weight.

Just for your views but these are some of the 80's fashion trends that may be we should really waive good bye to:-

 

Auhentic Legs Warmers

Parachute Pant

Stir Up Stretch Pants

 

Oversize Shoulder Pads

 

Her Courage Open the Eyes of the World..

If I refresh my memory to remarkable incident that happened in the year 2002, I would definitely connect it with the case of a 30 years old Pakistani woman, named Mukhtaran Mai. I can’t imagine anything close to what happened to her but her courage to pursue, voice it out and stand her feet is what I look up to. It had been a decade ago but the extraordinary courage of this woman will live on forever.

Mukhtaran Mai, now only known as Mukhtar Mai

Mukhtaran Mai is from the village of Meerwala in Muzaffargarh District of Pakistan. She was gang raped by 14 men in a stable as ‘honour revenge’ by the order of a tribal council from another clan which is richer than her clan. Can you believe that!! How is the life of typical women in this country? Can they even say their mind? Do they even have the chance to dream on? What the f**k is an ‘honour revenge’ in the first place! The clan that punished her is the Mastoi clan.

What happened to her wasn’t even resulted from what she did. It was because of her 12 years old adolescence brother Shakoor who was judged to offend a clan’s honour because he was having an illicit sex with a woman name Salma from the Mastoi clan. Bizarre isn’t it? Punished with a severe punishment because of what you don’t even know about. For more information, Shakoor had been abducted and sodomized by three men of the Mastoi clan (which one of them is the elder brother of Salma) in a sugarcane field. Isn’t that harsh enough!!

After some negotiation between the clans, the Tatla (Mukhtaran’s clan) and the Mastoi, they initially agreed on marrying Shakoor to Salma and also marry Mukhtaran to one of the Mastoi men and if indeed Shakoor was found guilty, Mukhtaran family will give some land to Salma’s family. However, there are defendants who disagreed as they behold on the principle of an eye-for-an eye which mean an illicit sex must be settle with an illicit sex too.

The Mastoi men came to Mukhtaran family and said if she would come personally to apologize from Salma’s family and the Mastoi akath they will accept the proposed settlement. Then she went there with her father and a maternal uncle to apologize personally, the Mastoi stated that the dispute is now settled and Mukhtaran’s family been forgiven but before she even know it, the whole ordeal begun!

Abdul Khaliq, the elder brother of Salma (who also allegedly sodomized Shakoor) came and armed with a pistol forcibly took Mukhtaran into a stable. That’s where she was gang raped by fourteen men. After about an hour inside, she was then pushed outside wearing only a torn shirt. By making her an example for not defying the local authorities, they paraded her naked in front of hundreds of onlookers on the order of Jirga (the assembly of clan elders). This is not human act.

The custom would expect her to commit suicide after a rape but instead of committing suicide, she pursued the case and seeking for fair judgement for what happened to her. Her bravery to stand up for herself picked up domestic and international media’s coverage. Her story had been headlines of news that even BBC picked up on her story. Although the safety of herself, her families and friends has been endangered, she remains strong as an outspoken advocate for women’s right. She knew she got to do something to voice out what and how is the life of real women in her country. She is now known as Mukhtar Mai.

She then started the Mukhtar Mai Women’s Welfare Organization (MMWWO) to help support and educate Pakistani women and girls. In 2005, the Glamour Magazine named her Women of the Year and in April 2007, she won the North-South Prize from the Council of Europe. Movies were made about her and her autobiography reached no. 3 bestseller in France. Her courage should be cherishes. Without her bravely told her story, not much we will know about the misery of women there.

Sing, the Diamond Jubilee Special Song...

Don’t you think that Gary Barlow is quite a genius? Yeah, that cute guy from the group Take That. He has always been the lead singer of Take That and he majorly wrote the group’s song. He’s generally recognized as the musical talent behind Take That. From the group to his solo career, this guy sing, songwriting, producing, publishing and even acting. He’s also the lead judge for X Factor replacing Simon Cowell. I want to share his latest work with everyone here. It’s a song titled “Sing”.

Gary is so great that Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II had asked him to organize her 86^th birthday and her Diamond Jubilee celebration. (That’s a 60 years of Her Majesty's reign). A source said: "Her Majesty has been made well aware of Gary’s charity work and the events he has put together. She knows that Gary has got the power to pull in the big names across the music industry and to ensure it's a party to match the occasion". This was confirmed on February 2012 with Gary Barlow being named as the lead organiser and producer of a concert that took place outside of Buckingham Palace and featuring globally recognised superstar artists.

It was announced in January 2012 that Gary Barlow and Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber would be working together to write the official Diamond Jubilee single. Barlow and Lloyd Webber aimed to write the music to the song; with Barlow then taking this music to musicians and singers around The Commonwealth with the aim to incorporate sounds from around the world onto the single. The song simply entitled "Sing" was released as the lead single from the album of the same name, Sing.

Sing, the special song to celebrate the Queen's diamond jubilee is collaboration between Gary Barlow and Lord Lloyd Webber, and he wants performers from around the Commonwealth to be part of it. Prince Charles gives Gary some suggestions, and Gary then embarks on an extraordinary trip. He recorded all manner of musicians on their home turfs to make this unique record. This song featuring Gary Malone and his Military Wives Choir in the UK, a children's choir in Kenya, Rastafarian drummers in Jamaica, the Sydney Symphony Orchestra in Australia, pan-pipers in a remote rainforest village on the Solomon Islands, and Gary also manages to get Prince Harry to make his own musical contribution.

Now, let us enjoy Sing by Gary Barlow and all who’s involved. It’s a soothing songs. Really is a great one!!

Do you Need a Makeover yet?

The crime in marriages is not just bound to lies, infidelity, abuse and irresponsible spouse. Do you realize that some couples tend to look alike as time goes on? They dress up almost similar; they walk and talk in the same way and so on. Don’t get furious but take a look at your parents? What do you see?

As the marriage age, most people found too much comfort in each other and start neglecting their basic charm. They stop trying on any new style and just let it be. This might worsen day after day. Looks play a major part in our life. At a point, some people might start to think about their spouse. Husband will ask themselves “Is this the same woman I married to years ago? What happen to that sweet gorgeous lady?” In the other side, wives often face this problem everywhere in the world, she thinks “I was the one who gave birth to the kids but why is he having that permanent 9 months of pregnancies!”

A situation like this can be awkward if it is left too long. Why is that? Because when something has been your daily routine or habit for years, it takes time to break it and that can never be easy. Ladies, just imagine yourself at size 8 before marriage and maybe 8 years later, you barely fit into size 18!! How do you feel? We understand gaining some weight after those years of comfort and child birth is usual but let everything still be under your control. Take care of yourself by motivation and try a little harder.

Guys! We know you’re busy operating and providing for the family but DON’T take that as excuse that you’re too busy to spend just 30 minutes a day work out to get yourself fit and stay in an acceptable shape. Try it for the person you love dearly.

Do not let this “negligence” crime comes your way in your marriage. We all love to see the before and after of any kind of makeover don’t we? These photos adapted from Carson Kressley Couple’s Makeover. Enjoy…

Couple 1: Becky & Darren

This is Becky & Darren before the makeover. Isn't he reminds you of someone? Super Mario???

 

This is the new Becky & Darrren

Couple 2: John & Kate

John & Kate before the makeover

John & Kate after the makeover

Couple 3: Linda & Clark

Linda & Clark before the makeover. They admitted that Clark has an addiction to kilts.

Linda & Clark after the makeover

Couple 4: Ty & Mia

Ty & Mia before the makeover

Ty & Mia after the makeover

Couple 5: Nina & Randy

Nina & Randy looks before the makeover

Nina & Randy new look after the makeover

I think it is not that hard to surprise each other sometimes. Most of the time, minor changes do make a big difference. Admit it, we'll get bored of the same look everyday. Try something out.

Courtesy of Carson Kressley style advice & Oprah.com

Duhozanye: The Village of Widows...

The pandemonium aftermath of genocide is something only fathomable by those unfortunate enough to experience it. Not only are people and homes left in ruins, but also governments, economies, and basic infrastructure. The task of rebuilding and reforming communities can appear to be a near unachievable goal. This goal becomes even more difficult to attain when the genocide has resulted in 800 000 deaths, and a major portion of the male population. These are the circumstances that the women of Rwanda found themselves situated in after the 1994 Rwandan genocide.

After the death of significant male population, the women of Rwanda were left to pick up the pieces of their war-ravaged nation. This was a country that did not allow women to own land or to be sole guardians even to their own children. Even after having faced so much devastation already, a group of Rwandan woman managed to muster the strength to mobilize and begin to reconstruct their community by supporting and hold on firm to one another.

Here, the stories of Daphrose Mukarutamu, a Tutsi women who lost her husband and all but two of her 11 children. In the aftershock of the genocide, Daphrose thought she was the only one left, but when she turned to her neighbours, she then found out they had also been equally affected. She considered suicide but instead, she took in 20 orphans and started Duhozanye, an association of Tutsi and Hutu widows who were married to Tutsi men. Duhozanye means “to console one another”… The Duhozanye Association was founded in November 1994 by a group of widows in the district of Gisagara, located in the ex-prefecture of Butare.

On the left is Daphrose Mukarutamu

Duhozanye’s formation and growth - from a support group of neighbours who share their traumatic experiences, rebuild their homes, and collect and bury their dead, to an expanding member-driven network that advances the empowerment of Rwandan women. The association members helps women victims of rape and HIV/AIDS, running small businesses and classes in gender violence prevention, and taking part in national reconciliation through open-air people’s courts where they can face, and often forgive, the killers of their loved ones.

In the beginning, these widows started with meeting at a specific time every week to share their common grief and mourn their loved ones. When it was time for the group to meet none would miss the opportunity of being with others. For these women who had lost everything dear to them, it was simply a relieving experience to meet and cry together. After the genocide, there were many widows who were looking for emotional support especially those who had been raped and infected with HIV/AIDS.

After a short while, these widows started thinking about what they could do for themselves to rebuild their lives. Then, the Association, which started with the objective of providing emotional support, expanded its activities to address socio-economic needs of its members. Fourteen years after the genocide, the strides made by Duhozanye in the political and social-economic empowerment of Rwandan women are enormous. With strong resilience, these women were able to overcome the unthinkable and to make a difference in their lives and for their country.

Since their beginnings, the women of Duhozanye have continued to be a strong force in their community emotionally, economically, and physically.  They have set up gynecology clinics for the women who have been raped and helped the UN distribute aid for HIV/AIDS victims. They continue to support each other in many ways and have been recognized by various humanitarian organizations for their efforts. Similar groups have also begun to sprout in war-torn African countries such as Benin and the People’s Democratic Republic of the Congo.

The War Rape Victims of Rwanda

Do you know that during the Rwandan Genocide, it is estimated that 250,000 to 500,000 women and girls had been raped, mostly the Tutsis. Remember this happened during the brutal period of genocide which was going on about 100 days. The fact of half a million women been raped in such a short period is truly eerie and shocking! This wasn't just a one time raped. Some women open up said they were raped five to six times a day!

In a 1996 report on Rwanda, the UN Special Rapporteur Rene Degni-Segui stated, "Rape was the rule and its absence the exception. He stressed, "Rape was systematic and was used as a weapon" by the perpetrators of the massacres. This conclusion was based on the number and nature of the victims as well as from the forms of rape. A report in year 2000 prepared by the Organization of African Unity’s International Panel of Eminent Personalities concluded that "we can be certain that almost all females who survived the genocide were direct victims of rape or other sexual violence, or were profoundly affected by it".

In 1998, the International Criminal Tribunal for Rwanda made the landmark decisions that war rape in Rwanda was an element of the crime of genocide. The Trial Chamber held that "sexual assault" formed an integral part of the process of destroying the Tutsi ethnic group and that the rape was systematic and had been perpetrated against Tutsi women only, manifesting the specific intent required for those acts to constitute genocide. Although no written orders to rape were found, evidence suggests that military leaders encouraged or ordered their men to rape Tutsi as well as condoning the acts taking place, and made no efforts to stop them. Compared to other conflicts, the sexual violence in Rwanda stands out in three ways:

·         The organized nature of the propaganda that contributed to fuelling sexual violence against Tutsi women;

·         The public nature of the rapes; and

·         The level of brutality toward the women

During the genocide, it was culturally acceptable or mandatory to stand by while women were raped. According to Maria Louise Niyobuhungiro, she recalls seeing local people, other generals and Hutu men watching her get raped about 5 times per day. Even when she was kept under watch of a woman, she would give no sympathy or help and furthermore, forced her to farm land in between rapes. Reportedly, 70% of all sexual assault victims in the Rwandan genocide are infected with HIV.

How do you think these women, the rape victims survive and face the children they bore from the brutality? And how do you think the children feel when they found out how they were conceived. This is led to the birth of Duhozanye Association.

The Rwandan Genocide

It is Sunday today and I refer it to a Holy day. The day when most of us chill out and relax. This time, let see how much we know about the term “Genocide”. It is a very specific term, referring to violent crimes committed against groups with the intent to destroy the existence of the group or ethnic.

This term existed in 1944, when a Polish-Jewish lawyer named Raphael Lemkin sought the way to describe Nazi policies of systematic murder, including the destruction of the European Jews. He formed the word "genocide" by combining geno-, from the Greek word for race or tribe, with -cide, from the Latin word for killing. In proposing this new term, Lemkin had in mind "a coordinated plan of different actions aiming at the destruction of essential foundations of the life of national groups, with the aim of conquering the groups themselves."

The genocide that I want to share here is the one happened in Rwanda, back in 1994. Maybe that time I was a little young and might not aware of what happened in that part of the world. I’m sure I neither read newspaper nor watch news on TV that time. Rwanda is a country in East Africa. The whole thing started after the assassination of Rwanda President Juvénal Habyarimana where the airplane carrying him together with Burundi President, Cyprien Ntaryamira was shot down when it was preparing to land in Kigali, Rwanda on the evening of 6^th April, 1994. This assassination was the catalyst of the genocide.

I’m not interested into the whole ordeal of the genocide because it is too cruel and inhumane for me to accept but I will share some history of it so we get the idea of the official term of Rwandan Genocide. What I’m really interested to share with all of you is the aftermath stories. How does the women, the war or rape victims cope up with their life. Until today, the trauma of the genocide which happened almost two decades ago in Rwanda still exists.

According to Wikipedia:-

The Rwandan Genocide was the 1994 mass murder of an estimated 800,000 people in the small East African nation of Rwanda. Over the course of approximately 100 days (from the assassination of Juvénal Habyarimana and Cyprien Ntaryamira on April 6) through mid-July, over 500,000 people were killed, according to a Human Rights Watch estimate.

[1] Estimates of the death toll have ranged between 500,000 and 1,000,000,

[2] or as much as 20% of the country's total population.

It was the culmination of longstanding ethnic competition and tensions between the minority Tutsi, who had controlled power for centuries, and the majority Hutu peoples, who had come to power in the rebellion of 1959–1962 and overthrown the Tutsi monarchy.

In 1990, the Rwandan Patriotic Front (RPF), a rebel group composed mostly of Tutsi refugees, invaded northern Rwanda from Uganda in an attempt to defeat the Hutu-led government. They began the Rwandan Civil War, fought between the Hutu regimes. This exacerbated ethnic tensions in the country. In response, many Hutu gravitated toward the Hutu Power ideology, with the prompting of state-controlled and independent Rwandan media.

Now, can you imagine what is the state of a country whereby within the period of just 100 days, there were 800,000 people killed. Simply put it as a war between two ethnics, the Hutu and Tutsi. There is a movie in 2004 (on the 10^th years anniversary) titled Hotel Rwanda, starring Don Cheadle. This is a true-life story of Paul Rusesabagina, a hotel manager who housed over a thousand Tutsi refugees during their struggle against the Hutu militia in Rwanda. It is a good watch. Read my next post on the survival stories of Rwanda women.

House is Never a Home Without a Mother....

They say “a house is never a home without a mother”. I really agree with this but I would like to add something in it, without ‘a real mother’. Isn’t that true? Heard it before but I overlooked it until today when someone shared it somewhere. In our cutting edge, digital and modern society now, anything is possible in a house. I’m not overthrown the fact that fathers can do marvellous job in fulfilling the duties as a parent but there will always be something missing somewhere in the heart of children who grown up without the love and care from that special someone, a mother.

Ask a full time mother and she will tell you what it’s like to be a real mother. I’ve asked one and this is how she described it:

“I might be naïve and outcast from the digital and career world out there but nevertheless I’m on 24 hours stand-by duty every single day of my life for the past 17 years without fail. If you ever underestimate the true duties of a mother, you must have not been there yet. May be I’m just a mother to many of you but I operate as the chef of the house, the referee to stop the children fight, the educator to teach them manners and homeworks, the driver to drive them around, the butler to keep the house in perfect order, the nurse to nurse them if there’s minor injuries, and so much more. Sometimes I can even be a pharmacist because I know exactly which medication the children needs. Let me also tell you this, I don’t have any leave to apply from and sometimes I feel like I can only have a break when I eventually breakdown.”

Read the phrase Monica mentioned above, what do you feel? Have you been under estimating your mother or wife duties? Without a mother, a home will never be as warm and inviting. Fathers are great individuals too but they hardly act as gentle and soft as mothers. I know this because I experienced it but I don’t blame it on my dad. I realized most dads are out there working everyday trying their best to provide more for the home. When they’re back from work in the end of the day, all they need is peace and tranquil! However, a home with children, I don’t really know how we can shut them sometimes. Oh! There’s no offence here, I just said it from my mind, if only there’s a multi-purpose remote control which can be used to mute them for just 10 minutes when you needed to, that will help.

Another thing that I know is, when you’re hurts, you can talk to your father and he will console you but if you go to mommy, she will hold you tight and shed her tears with you. Parents can never let anyone to hurts you but believe it or not a mother can go to a great length of extend to protect their children. So cherish your mom and don't even think that it is their responsibilities and take it for granted. Some mothers may choose to leave but most mothers choose to stay and hold on eventhough they know for sure it can never be easy. Big applauds to all the real mothers out there, without you the house can never turn to home. Also remember that charity always start from home. Moms, we all know that you plays a big role in shaping the future of the world.