Identifying Healthy and Abusive Relationship

I have feeling for this topic today so I would like to share it with all of you. It’s about Abusive relationship. Sometimes abusive relationships are easy to identify but in some situations, the abuse may take delicate forms. Some of the aspects shown below can help you to identify traits between abusive and healthy relationships. In general, abusive relationships have a serious power imbalance, with the abuser controlling or attempting to control most aspects of life. Healthy relationships share responsibility and decision-making tasks and reflect respect for all the people in the relationship, including children.

Healthy Relationships:

 

 

Non-Threatening Behavior

ü  Talking and acting so that your partner feels safe and comfortable doing and saying things.

 

Respect

ü  Listening to your partner non-judgmentally.

ü  Being emotionally affirming and understanding.

ü  Valuing opinions.

 

Trust and Support

ü  Supporting your partner’s goals in life.

ü  Respecting your partner’s right to his or her own feelings, friends, activities and opinions.

 

Honesty and Accountability

ü  Accepting responsibility for self.

ü  Admitting being wrong when it is appropriate.

ü  Communicating openly and truthfully

 

Responsible Parenting

ü  Sharing parental responsibilities.

ü  Being a positive, non-violent role model for children.

 

Shared Responsibility

ü  Mutually agreeing on a fair distribution of work.

ü  Making family decisions together.

 

Abusive Relationships:

 

 

Using Intimidation

v  Making your partner afraid by using looks, actions, gestures.

v  Smashing or destroying things.

v  Destroying or confiscating your partner's property.

v  Abusing pets as a display of power and control.

v  Silent or overt raging

v  Displaying weapons or threatening their use.

v  Making physical threats.

 

Using Emotional Abuse

v  Putting your partner down.

v  Making your partner feel bad about himself or herself.

v  Calling your partner with names.

v  Harassing or intimidating your partner.

v  "Checking up on" your partner's activities or whereabouts.

v  Humiliating your partner, weather through direct attacks or "nasty jokes".

v  Making your partner feel guilty.

 

Using Isolation

v  Controlling what your partner does, who he or she sees and talks to, what he or she reads, where he or she goes.

v  Limiting your partner’s outside involvement.

v  Demanding your partner remains home when you are not with them.

v  Cutting your partner off from prior friends, activities, and social interaction.

v  Using jealousy to justify your actions - Jealousy is the primary symptom of abusive relationships; it is also a core component of Love Addiction

 

Minimizing, Denying and Blame Shifting

v  Making light of the abuse and not taking your partner’s concerns about it seriously.

v  Saying the abuse did not happen, or wasn't that bad.

v  Shifting responsibility for your abusive behavior to your partner. (i.e: I did it because you ______.)

v  Saying your partner caused it.

 

Using Children

v  Making your partner feel guilty about the children.

v  Using the children to relay messages.

v  Using visitation to harass your partner.

v  Threatening to take the children away.

 

Using Male Privilege

v  Treating your partner like a servant.

v  Making all the big decisions.

v  Being the one to define the relationship's roles.

 

Using Economic Abuse

v  Preventing your partner from getting or keeping a job.

v  Making your partner ask for money.

v  Giving your partner an allowance.

v  Taking your partner’s money.

v  Not letting your partner know about or have access to family income

Now you will understand more about how healthy relationship should be and what are the characters that may leads to an abusive relationship. Be wise and know how to play your right part in a relationship. Treat others the way you want to be treated.

5 Most Common Types of Marriage

Dear Everyone,

    This article was taken from my magazine, True Wedding. For those who have the copy, this will refresh the topic and for those who does not have the copy, please read here. You can request the article for your reference by emailing me at elegance.we@gmail.com
    I hope you found it useful and it's really useful to identify the types of marriage you're in whether it's a Convenience, Abusive, Status, Invisible or Enduring type. It can also apply to other relationship such as dating couples. Read it on...

Low Self Esteem Symptoms

      Many times people that suffer from low self esteem are victims of child abuse, deprivation, rough past/childhood and so on….It’s apparent that low self esteem is often born during your childhood. It begins to show its self during the teenage years while the body is going through dramatic changes. Some people see the fact that they have a low level of self confidence and only low percentage of those people seek help in regards to their issue.

     Having low self esteem is lethal, WHY? Because most people don’t even realize they have low self esteem! Yes it’s true! You may be thinking “How can you not know if you have low self esteem?” Usually people with genuinely low self esteem have been born and raised with it. It just seem like another fact of life to them. This is dangerous because low self esteem is like a virus. It starts out as a single problem but it’s a perfect gateway for more problems to come in the future such as;

ü  Depression

ü  Insanity

ü  Suicidal thoughts

ü  Criminal thoughts

      You should now begin to see why low self esteem MUST BE recognized and destroyed! Here is a list of characteristics within most people that have low self esteem.

1.      Social withdrawal

2.      Anxiety and emotional stress

3.      Lack of social skills and self confidence.

4.      Depression and/or bouts of sadness

5.      Eating disorders

6.      Inability to accept compliments (rejection)

7.      An Inability to see yourself ’squarely’ – to be fair to yourself

8.      Accentuate the negative

9.      Exaggerated concern over what you imagine other people think

10.  Self neglect and simply let other people to treat you anyway they like

11.  Treating yourself and other people badly

12.  Rejection to take on challenges

13.  Reluctance to put yourself first or anywhere.

14.  Rejection to trust your own opinion

15.  Expecting little out of life for yourself

The Limit Is Me...

One day all the employees reached the office and they saw a big advice on the door on which it was written:

"Yesterday the person who has been hindering your growth in this company passed away. We invite you to join the funeral in the room that has been prepared in the gym".

In the beginning, they all got sad for the death of one of their colleagues, but after a while they started getting curious to know who was that man who hindered the growth of his colleagues and the company itself.

The excitement in the gym was such that security guards were ordered to control the crowd within the room.

The more people reached the coffin, the more the excitement heated up. Everyone thought:"Who is this guy who was hindering my progress? Well, at least he died!"

One by one the thrilled employees got closer to the coffin, and when they looked inside it they suddenly became speechless. They stood nearby the coffin, shocked and in silence, as if someone had touched the deepest part of their soul.

There was a mirror inside the coffin: everyone who looked inside it could see themselves. There was also a sign next to the mirror that said:

“There is only one person who is capable to set limits to your growth: it is YOU.”

You are the only person who can revolutionize your life. You are the only person who can influence your happiness, your realization and your success. You are the only person who can help yourself.

Your life does not change when your boss changes, when your friends change, when your parents change, when your partner changes, when your company changes. Your life changes when YOU change, when you go beyond your limiting beliefs, when you realize that you are the only one responsible for your life.

"The most important relationship you can have is the one you have with yourself"

 
Examine yourself, watch yourself. Don't be afraid of difficulties, impossibilities and losses: be a winner, build yourself and your reality.

The world is like a mirror: it gives back to anyone the reflection of the thoughts in which one has strongly believed. The world and your reality are like mirrors lying in a coffin, which show to any individual the death of his divine capability to imagine and create his happiness and his success.

It's the way you face life that makes the difference…

Before and After Photoshop

Dear Friends,

     This is another topic that I would like to share with all of you. I hope this will make you feel better because I am. I have always love myself. I love being me. I am not perfect but I am happy. So believe me some of our beloved celebrities are just like us. With cellulites, flabby, stretch mark, skin blemishes, etc. Don't feel bad when you're looking at their photo just remember the magic of PhotoShop. Let's share this with every of your friends.

Christina, Look nearer and you will see her flabby arms, cellulites on thighs and round tummy..

Christina Aguilera

Picture on the Left is before Photoshop- Look at her skin color and cellulites on thighs 

Britney Spears

Photo on the Left is after Photoshop: Do you notice the difference of facial complexion, rounder bust, waistline?

Brittany Murphy: Photo on The Left is After Photoshop, look at her real photo on the right.

Keira Knightly: Photo on the Right is after Photoshop

This one I honestly don't know who is she but the Photoshop really did a good changes on her. The real her is the photo on the right.

Nicolette Sheridan: Photo on the right is after Photoshop

Madonna: Look at the big difference. Photo on the Right is after Photoshop

Ok, enough for today. Until I found another interesting things to share with all of you. Thanks for reading.

Love Yourself the Way You Are

     I've been telling many people that I know, I told them to love themselves and just be who they are. I won't stop saying that and will keep repeating it over and over again as long as I live. However, it’s undeniable as we’re human being we all have weaknesses. Yes, I mean weaknesses!! Not one, two nor three but plenty of it.

 

 

 

     As for girls or women, we are easily being obsessed with beauty or more prone, our body… Why is that? At first I’m trying to decode some of my girl friends’ mind to know why they’re so obsessed with their bodies then I realize most time I heard the same answers. They referred the term beautiful, sexy, gorgeous, fabulous and other to celebrities or stars!! I mean real stars, those in Hollywood limelight.

 

     How many of us know Eva Mendez, Jessica Alba, Angelina Jolie, Halle Berry, Giselle Bundchen, etc. Aren’t they gorgeous… Yes they sure are but come on… I hold on one principle that beauty has no boundaries! It comes in every shapes, size and colors. We are all beautiful.

     By the way, do you know how much does these stars spent a year to maintain what they have? It can be up to tens of thousands of dollars! Big bucks right! No jokes, they have personal trainers, stylist, hairdresser, makeup artist, they took loads of supplements, they eat according to their dieticians suggested diets, they afford the best doctors and they use expensive skin care and makeup. You can’t blame them because they have to look good for us. It’s their career.

     Back to our stereotype definition of beauty, who actually set the standard of beauty to tall, slim, sharp nose, toned abs? I would easily answer, it's the media!! Media played the biggest roles in leading us to the worldwide distortion meaning of real beauty. Trust me, how many times we jaw dropped when we saw some celebrities photos on magazine covers, editorial spreads, internet and other? Do you know the magic of Photoshop? How Photographers sometimes joining 2 or 3 girls bodies to create one magnificent end photo? Also remember how lighting play such a big part in photoshooting. Finally, how do we define beautiful faces? I guess everyone have the answer for this question. Check the video below and you will have a little idea about what I'm saying. Enjoy....

     It is easy to first love and cherish ourselves the way we are. Then evaluate, if there’s anything you don’t like about yourselves, what would that be? Is it your size? Is it your weight? Or anything else.. What we can try to do is to improve it by eating right, make sure you’ve consume all the nourishment that the body need. Drink lots of water as this is good for your digestive system and skin. Try to workout to stay healthy and fit. What I know is, we’re using makeup to enhance our natural beauty and not to change our faces to look like someone we adore. It doesn’t work that way because we all gifted with special facial features.

      I know it is always flattering when you receive compliments from friends that you look good in certain way but remember don’t give in to any bad comments from people. Judge their words. Sometimes, frank people tell you the truth and they don’t care if they hurt you but think of it. Maybe slight changes for good are worth it. While some friends might try to compliment you even it’s not honest just because they do not want to hurt you. My thought, you know best. It is great to trust your guts sometimes. Be yourself! Your personality and clear heart matters the most. You’re beautiful..

 

Women Infidelity: More Damaging Than Men?

     It has always started as the old adage that “boys will be boys,” If somebody’s cheating in a committed relationship, it’s usually quickly assumed to be the man who’s doing the deed. However, this age, although I’m a woman too, I do not deny the fact that… “Hey! Women cheat too! and beware!! When they do, it’s often far more damaging to the relationship.

     While men in the other hand may simply cheat because they’re put in a situation where they can get easy sex and may have lowered inhibitions, women cheat for a new chance of love, to feel emotionally cherished, or because they’re convinced the relationship is finally over. They cheat with their heart, and because of that, female infidelity is far harder to recover from. Beware of that 'Cheating Heart'...

CNN Health reports:

In a committed relationship nothing hurts more, or is harder to recover from, than infidelity, and this is even truer when it’s the female partner who’s been doing the cheating.  In recent years I’ve noticed a precipitous rise in the number of men who have been betrayed by adultery, and while there’s an overall consensus among professionals that female infidelity is on the rise, the trend doesn’t garner nearly as much attention as male infidelity  That’s surprising, because female infidelity is often much more damaging to a marriage. Don’t get me wrong: Male cheating is definitely harmful. But when a woman fools around, it’s often the death knell to a couple’s relationship.

It’s often said that men cheat for sex, while women cheat for love, the theory being that men can more easily compartmentalize sex and emotion, while women typically need to experience an emotional connection to a person before feeling sexual desire. Without those pesky emotions to stand in the way of a potential mistake, a guy is much more likely to get himself into trouble (especially if alcohol is involved and inhibitions are down) or to get involved with someone for whom he has no feelings.

My Tips a.k.a. Cassie’s Tips: For any couple especially those who has been together for quite a period of time, either you’ve been dating for couple of years, engage to be married or has been married for years… Always communicate with your partner. Have crystal clear conversations; make sure your partner understood you at the end of the conversation.

There are so many things that people can do together to strengthen the bond. Men, please take care of your woman’s hearts. Always know that we are in need for emotional cares. Husbands, ask yourself, when was the last time you said something really nice to your wives (something about her) that makes her smile from her heart?

Most of the time, all that a woman wants is just for you to know that she’s there, she cares and she will always be there for you. It’s not hard to cherish our emotion needs. Back to basic, sometimes smallest gestures means abundance.