What Is Perfect Beauty?

This is just something I want to share about experience that I face a lot. Excuse me, it's not a story of bragging. Just a reality which I think can be a little helpful to share here. Everywhere that I go, I heard a lot of compliments from total strangers. People who I don't have any clue at all and of course people that I know too. However, I wonder why the look always came first. To be honest, I'm just an average looking person but I heard a lot "You're beautiful.." Isn't that ironic? To me, everyone is beautiful. Then of course I will smile back and say thanks but usually I will sealed it with "You're beautiful too..."

At first I just found it pretty annoying from guys because I took it as sign of flirting or something but as I grew a little older, now I look at it from another different angle. It comes back to me as when you look at things more positively, everything will be better and... that smile. Smile is a free gift from the heart. It's free but invaluable. You will never know when you smile to someone that might be the best smile they saw for the day after a long struggling day they been through. It's courtesy and nice thing to do. Trust me, it's not that hard to smile, they can't tie 50Kg bag on people's lips so it's not heavy to curl up a little of your lips to smile. By the way, everyone looks better when they smile. Putting on a long sour face will not make you feel better anyway.

Few example here for your pleasure readings. I usually pass through the International airport security or Immigration pretty easily. It's not something good to say but after a really long flight and queue, won't everyone wish the officer to just stamp it and let you pass through instead of more questions with some suspicious look on their face? Few remarkable experience I had, in LA airport last year when the Immigration officer, a guy asked me "Have anyone here tell you yet that you're beautiful?" I'm too tired to answer promptly. Then instead of asking me what was I there for, he asked if I need hand with my luggage. Sweet isn't it? The next was Sydney airport... (Toot... Toot... They're one of the strictest in the world. They use sniffing dogs throughout the airport ok!) There's this guy who I don't know that he could be that speedy. He slipped a paper inside my passport with a note saying.. "Hey beautiful, call me in case you have any difficulties at this airport next time. XOXO" and signed by Ian. That's his name. And the last I wanted to share is at Dubai airport, the Immigration guy said "Today itself I've seen more than 250 faces on my counter since my duty started but you are the most beautiful face I saw in a long time.." How about that?

It's not just guys, believe me ladies too. Sometimes they said "You look sweet in red" or whatever color I'm wearing at that time. Sometimes they said "You make the dress look stunning.." and most recently, a policewoman at airport stopped me and asked "Where's your destination?" I wonder what's happening. I told her and showed her my boarding pass. She just smiled and said "Miss, you're so beautiful." Thanks to her. I was once stopped by 3 girls in the middle of G Street in Washington, DC. They came from the opposite direction and asked if they can just snap a shot with me. I said yes and they were so exhilarated! Before I walked away they asked how did I keep the figure and the beauty. Ok, another remark here. I'm neither in size 2 like super models nor have any gorgeous hourglass curve as Beyoncé. In fact I'm quite straight in figure. Neither do I have obvious noticeable lady humps! (front or back) All just ordinary..

Not to mentioned how sometimes during queue people will just say you may go first or they give me a little bit more for what I ordered for and even better bargain or discount when buying things. Okay, let's cut all this short. Why did people say "You're beautiful.." ? Why people from all different continents use this same word? Beautiful.. So I started to be curious to the meaning of beautiful in the eyes of everyone. But what really touched me is the younger generation. Little girls, teenage girls and unfortunately, boys too. That lead me to start asking questions. One of my friends used to say I have a fan base ranging from 5 years old to 65 years old. That was just a joke from him.

The few incidents that touched me were when girls brave up to approach me. They said I'm beautiful and they wish to look like me when they grow up. Hmmm.... Couple of years ago I did an event with our local women. Some of them brought their daughters along during each gathering. The ladies said let them learned from young age. So few girls there age between 5 to 9, five of them. First gathering all of them just sat aside watched us quietly. After few meet up, they took the chance to walked up to me while I was busy looking at their mothers practicing on something. Actually the 7 years old girl looked really nervous when they approached me. It was sweet, they addressed me as Miss Cassie. All of them said they want to grow up to be just like me. I was bumped! Didn't know how to react to that but as usual smile first. So I asked "Why want to be like me? What do you sweeties like about me? Now all the words and excitement came out of their mouth. "You're beautiful. You're tall. You're slim. You're smart. You're really nice and kind" and oops!! The youngest one said "All our mommies listen to you and my mommy really likes you. She talk a lot about you to everyone.." Feel like my brain stop functioning for a while at that little moment. Somehow excitement really sparks in their eyes when they talked and surrounded me. They showered me with lots of love and joy. They are so adorable and one thing I know for sure, they spoke from their heart.

Since I had that simple chance, I talked more with them and part of the rhythm of our conversation went like this:-

Me: Girls, what do you see as beautiful?
Girls: They shouted instantly at the same time "You!"
Me: Why me? What about me? Can you girls tell me slowly?
Girls: You are so perfect. Your face are beautiful. Your skin is fair. You are tall and slim. Your hair shiny and long. Your nails are pretty and ......
Me: Ok, thanks girls.. Is that all you see as beautiful?
Girls: (This is by the 9 years old) She said: You have nice pretty dresses and all your shoes are nice! (By this she mean high heels/stilettoes)
Me: Don't worry Darling. You will have all of this when you grow up.
Girls: Why my mommy don't have that?
Me: (I won't answer to that and I changed to something else) So you want to be like me when you grow up right? Why?
Girls: Because you look like those girls in the magazines and TV advertisements. So famous.. You walk like models too
Me: I want all of you to know that each one of you are beautiful. Very beautiful. Just promise me do not be mean to people. Can you? Always try your best to be nice to people okay..
Girls: Love your smiles. You are so nice, talking to us. You're outstanding in the crowd and you are not scared or shy talking in front of many people.

And the cute little crowd disperse...

Did you notice about the conversation? That was a direct impact from media. How many of us actually fallen into the stereotype beauty? Medias only present girls with certain look while fashion shows parading extra slim and tall girls! What come to our mind then? Only girls like them are considered beautiful and they will live famously. Everyone love them and want to be like them. How many of us actually look like them? The honest truth, not many.. We are all real everyday people that comes in many size, shapes, height, build and one thing for sure we are all unique in our own way.

Another quite sickening beauty trend. The nip and tuck under knife procedure in the name of beauty. Yes! Plastic surgery. Why do we have to do that? Bigger eyes, sharp pointed nose, popping high cheek bones, sharp chin, boobs job and all the possible things. Don't you think that the features we have are from our creator? He gave us our own identity and he made each one of us over a billion population on this earth to be unique! There might be a look alike person somewhere. Similar yes but never the same. There is no second you or me in this world.

There was even one girl during a friend's wedding. She was so attached to me that day. She's the bride's niece. At the end of the wedding reception, this little 8 years old girl asked her mom if she can allow me to drop her home. She wanted to spend time with me so ended up I drove her home. In the car, she asked "Can you please make my face like yours?" I didn't know what to say but I noticed her so I told her "I wish to have a nose like yours and a define lips like yours. They are so pretty." She looked puzzle and she asked me "really?" She reacted like it was the first time someone told her that. I asked her to look into the mirror everyday and see how beautiful she is and she still call me on phone until now.

I wish everyone know they are beautiful. Do not let the beauty being so narrowly define. Real beauty comes in every shape, size and color. By the way I told the girls nobody is perfect. In fact I don't have the exact definition of "perfect" in a human being. I told them I don't have sharp nose, I have flaws and scars too. I have extra fat here and there and that help keep me warm sometimes. I use make up to enhance what is there not to change my face. I know I am blessed for the little height I have and somewhat a lean body. I don't starve myself, I eat everything that I want. I eat whenever I feel hungry. Live your life the way you want it. Make sure to live a good and healthy life. If you're too busy observing someone else because you want to be like them the result is you are living his or her life not yours. Don't let it be too late to the point when you realize you don't even know the real you anymore because it has been too long you're living the life of someone else. Remember life can be too short if we don't live it well and there's nothing permanent in life. With a blink of eyes, time pass us by. Whether you're using braces or have birth marks, who give them the right to say you're not beautiful? If your natural looks provokes anyone, forget about them. Just know that everyone have their own flaws. Please keep in mind magazine advertisements mostly is the end result done by professionals. A simple photo shoots involved so many people in it and Photoshop is kind of magic too.

We have the whole world in front of us to explore. Explore it, live your life. Don't live and bound to the stereotype beauty. Looks, undeniably is very important but that perfect beauty we sought after isn't everything that we need in this life. Be you and let's imagine beauty as the source of confident and well being not anxiety or worries which lead us to low self-esteem. You're beautiful.

So what exactly is perfect beauty? I guess there is nothing really is.






 

Welcome to Tania's Little Secret...

Guys, sorry that I need to share this story with all of you. Some part of it might be quite intimidating and provocative to some of us but I wouldn't hide it because it happens around us. I believe it is everywhere. Though disgusting for some of you, I believe it's worth a share. Why would I want to share something that is hurtful if there's no reason behind it. This is something I would say an advice for women from a woman who wish to cultivate a better generation of women and even men. Come on! Everything about women is directly or indirectly related to men. You read the story and you judge it yourself. I hope we can rebuild respect for women from the tiniest step, sharing a story of someone who made a permanent life mistake just because she was temporary angry, frustrated and upset during her teen time and now she is stuck with this kind of life almost permanently. I believe in teaching and nurturing from early age. Every woman was once a girl and every girl will one day be a woman. I've been a girl and now I'm a woman, deep within I think it is important for me to help young girls through their challenging time. As our world change through the century, people's lives change too. The high lifestyle demand and every social calling is a pressure to meet up with.

 

Welcome to Tania's life. Tania is a bright cute girls during her childhood, I guessed it from some photos that she showed me. She's always cheerful, smiling and happy. Just like the phrase "Little girl is made of sugar, spice and everything nice." However, things change during her teen time when her needs are different. She needs someone to talk to. She needs more attention and she didn't get what she wanted. So her inner-self started to rebel and she grew up a little faster that her peers. At the age of fourteen she had the enthusiast for boys , the opposite sex and she wished she had the chance to talk more about it with her mom but she didn't get that chance. Tania's mom was working full time and her work involved a lot of outstation travelling then. Her father was fully based in another state which only managed to come home every other month for few days. She was always surrounded by two younger siblings and her maternal grandma who were always too busy entertaining her Mahjong pals. She did not have anyone that she could really turn to or talk to at home and this has shifted her trust and interest to friends instead of family.

 

However Tania does not like to befriend her peers, she chose to find friends who are much older because she thought they will make her seemed cool in the eyes of other kids. When she was fourteen, the friend she had were aged around nineteen to twenty five. That was according to what she told me. She felt on top of the world when she was surrounded by them. They told her many things that got her into excitement. She trusted them so much that each time they told her it was fine to try something, she would not hesitate to try. Trying things for her mean up to the extreme. First started with few sips of booze. From few sip she upgraded to glasses and so forth. She confessed she love the tipsy light headed feeling and the silly head spinning. Drunk is the word! Under heavy alcohol influence, she laughed a lot and not really sure of what happened around her. She wasn't sure how was her first time happened. It was only realized by her the next morning when she woke up feeling really sore in her intimate area with some blood show on her underwear. She even felt ache on several part of her body. When she go for a thorough checked in front of the mirror was when she saw at least ten bruises on her legs, arms and tummy area with few nails scratches on her neck. She was really scared and trembling hard. She tried to refresh her memory but not much was there for her to remember. All that she could remember was she hanged out with four guys that night. Her so-called friends, she drink with them and the last thing in her head for the night before was Stan who sent her home.

She sat at the edge of her cute comfy bed.. Paused and didn't realized that tears ran down her cheeks. She finally knew what happened last night. She try to deny it but she can't. She had all the hard evidence that she was molested and raped with some flavour of violence!! She was really scared but didn't know what to do. She will never tell that to her parents or her grandma. She thought of asking those guys she hanged up with but she was too scared too. She locked up in the room the whole day and escaped school telling her grandma she was not feeling well as Mom was away for work that week. Again, her grandma will never ask further because she was too busy with her own agenda. Tania was depressed. Although she was a little wild then she confessed that she do want her first time to be special and memorable. Not this way. Uncertain and painful. It's humiliating too. She cried so hard because she was thinking were those guys laughing at her when it happened? Did all of them responsible for the ordeal? Is she safe? Were they clean or free from and sexual diseases? All those questions knocked on her head non stop. She was there left to wonder how to move on. We are talking about a fourteen years old girl here. She was still too fragile and naïve at that age.

Few days after the incident, on the way back from school as she walked, her nightmare appeared. It was Stan there approaching her. She felt her face flushed red as her eyes caught his! She was ashamed and humiliated to face that guy in front of her. Her body hurt and her heart squeezing hard like it's going to forced to stop beating. Stan came straight to her asking how is she. Her silence did not stopped him from keep talking. He goes on and on talking about those few days activities. To her own shock, Tania was surprised to feel comfort and calm hearing Stan non stop bubbling! She started to smile and talked back to him. She forgot what she supposed to ask him! What happened that night!! She didn't asked a word instead she accepted to hang up with him again that night.

 

I am not here to judge or defame her. I am here to tell her story with her permission. Something I believe should be share with all our girls. Mothers everywhere and fathers too, please spend more time with your children. Be their school, their best buddy, their most trusted person, their comfort zone and all that they need. That time Stan was a 22 years old cool guy who was gaining the trust of a 14 years old girl. Being good looking and fashionable in that era does give lots of advantage to him.

So the stories goes on for Tania that she neither scared nor shy away from sexual intercourse anymore from that moment. She was almost addicted to sex and she went adventurous, daring and rough too because she found joy and excitement in it. Being with older guys mean they do take precaution so she admitted as daring as they were, they make sure it will always be safe sex. It is kind of frighten me when I think and imagine all that she mentioned. There are some details a little extreme to be share here. From her facial expression as she talk to me, I do not think that she regretted any of those. She is happy and seems quite proud to tell me that the most she handled was four guys at once. I do not want to think or even imagine it. I felt goose bumps all over my arms when she smiled saying that. Four at once!! Really??

Why I'm sharing Tania story is because I want all of us to view into the life of some people when at some point of life especially younger time, there might be a mistake they did which will later on stuck with them all their life. Some people regretted and try to change to be better but some will live on with it forever. As for Tania, she is not regretting any of it. She confessed that she really found happiness in what she's doing. She have extreme desire for sex and she laughed that she can't remember how many sex partner she had. I'm feeling deeply sorry for someone. He is Tania's husband! Yes she is 37 now, married with kids.. And truly painful to say that she has not stop what she is doing and there is no sign of slowing down yet. I mean her extraordinary desires for sex. She definitely can't stick to one man.

As usual I will tell people, "Follow your heart, do what make you happy. Let people say what they want to say as long as you know you're right. People will never stop talking bad about others because for some, putting others down make them feel better for themselves." But in Tania's situation, I do pray that she will change to be a better person. I'm not saying she's bad but what she is living is not good. She is a beautiful woman however, things she did decreased her value. I still strongly believe why she chose to befriend older people during her teen is because she can't wait to grow up. She thought grown up will make her independent like her friends and no one will tell her what to do. And why she have more male friends, because she missed a father figure. She was missing father's love and she felt loved being with those guys. I wish only for her well being and one day may she found what really makes her happy. I am not sure what she did now gives her pure happiness. It might have stuck as her habit but how does that give her joy.

When You Think of Call it Quit, Think Again...

Took a walk on one foggy night. The night was chill, blurry and it was so tranquil that you can hear only the tiny bugs making their sounds. The dark of the night seems to soothe the misery deep inside. Light seems really far away, it is dimming slowly. The fog are thick all over! You could see your hard breath pushing steam to the air. The vision is blurred and it felt so much similar to what is inside your head. In your head everything is blurry, unclear and in a big mess too. You goes on wondering what or where has went wrong.. Wishing so much you could find where does all the mess begin and put everything to an end but it is truly impossible. How do you end something when you don't even know where does it begin. At the sharp bark of a dog you're awaken from your faraway thought. This is when all your decades of life come flashing in front of your eyes like projector playing a video presentation. Your sweet childhood, where all the laughter are and silly play make you really happy. Your energetic teenage years when you begin exploring more about this world and your seemingly comfortable early adulthood until now, the boiling point of life. You had a good life but where has thing messed up? You wish someone is there to point it out to you what have you done wrong to deserve what you're living now.

When everything seems so wrong that nothing is right anymore. When you ended up fall so hard after all those humiliating stumbles. When the day only threw the harshest coldness and blazing flames to your face. Each time is worse than the previous ones. You have nowhere or no one to turn to when you needed them the most. When everyone you know has raises their invincible walls against you. When your voice are no longer heard and your presence seems spooky as a nightmare to people who used to be around you. All that you could do is crying silently in a grossly pain because even the tears has dries up from your eyes. I bet what you feel is everything good in this world has gone, leaving you alone behind to crawl till you break. The agony pushing you so hard that the deep darkness is all you're hoping for when your day will finally end and your weaken heart quit beating. The best of your determination has now turn to the worst of desperation. The angel and demon inside of you are trying so hard to convince you to listen to either of them. Each one is giving you the thought to overpower the other. Now is your decision at the most desperate time to decide who you're going to listen to. Your final decision will either make you or break you. If it doesn't kill you, it will definitely making you much stronger.

If you think you're one of those who face the worst out of life, think again. There's always someone facing situation worst than yours somewhere out there. To all the damned, the lost and the forgotten. Here I am pleading you not to lose the spark of hope inside of you. Never try to force the light of life inside of you to end prematurely, there is the most powerful heavenly force up there. When our time come, there is no way we could escape it but when it is not yet the time, we will keep living no matter how is the situation. He is there to judge and decide for us.

When there's worries inside of us, as a typical human being we will start using our immense power of thinking negatively. Our imagination went negative, our thinking and eventually our life went negative too because each second pass, you're drawing the negative energy closer to you instead of pushing it away. I know it's easier say than do but most of those successful people are able to put their desperation into opportunity and they make it excited. You know why, because when you're excited you are drawing positivity near you and you'll look at problem in a different way. Try to take the worries away then you can think properly. Wasting all the time sitting down thinking about your worries isn't going to take you further. It will make things worse because the longer you sit, the longer you delay on things. The longer you delay, the more you're accumulating problem. Come on! You have the whole world waiting for you to explore and make the best out of it. Get up and face it. Without you knowing, you might stand up higher and firmer now than ever before. Be the change that you wish to see in this world.