Her Courage Open the Eyes of the World..

If I refresh my memory to remarkable incident that happened in the year 2002, I would definitely connect it with the case of a 30 years old Pakistani woman, named Mukhtaran Mai. I can’t imagine anything close to what happened to her but her courage to pursue, voice it out and stand her feet is what I look up to. It had been a decade ago but the extraordinary courage of this woman will live on forever.

Mukhtaran Mai, now only known as Mukhtar Mai

Mukhtaran Mai is from the village of Meerwala in Muzaffargarh District of Pakistan. She was gang raped by 14 men in a stable as ‘honour revenge’ by the order of a tribal council from another clan which is richer than her clan. Can you believe that!! How is the life of typical women in this country? Can they even say their mind? Do they even have the chance to dream on? What the f**k is an ‘honour revenge’ in the first place! The clan that punished her is the Mastoi clan.

What happened to her wasn’t even resulted from what she did. It was because of her 12 years old adolescence brother Shakoor who was judged to offend a clan’s honour because he was having an illicit sex with a woman name Salma from the Mastoi clan. Bizarre isn’t it? Punished with a severe punishment because of what you don’t even know about. For more information, Shakoor had been abducted and sodomized by three men of the Mastoi clan (which one of them is the elder brother of Salma) in a sugarcane field. Isn’t that harsh enough!!

After some negotiation between the clans, the Tatla (Mukhtaran’s clan) and the Mastoi, they initially agreed on marrying Shakoor to Salma and also marry Mukhtaran to one of the Mastoi men and if indeed Shakoor was found guilty, Mukhtaran family will give some land to Salma’s family. However, there are defendants who disagreed as they behold on the principle of an eye-for-an eye which mean an illicit sex must be settle with an illicit sex too.

The Mastoi men came to Mukhtaran family and said if she would come personally to apologize from Salma’s family and the Mastoi akath they will accept the proposed settlement. Then she went there with her father and a maternal uncle to apologize personally, the Mastoi stated that the dispute is now settled and Mukhtaran’s family been forgiven but before she even know it, the whole ordeal begun!

Abdul Khaliq, the elder brother of Salma (who also allegedly sodomized Shakoor) came and armed with a pistol forcibly took Mukhtaran into a stable. That’s where she was gang raped by fourteen men. After about an hour inside, she was then pushed outside wearing only a torn shirt. By making her an example for not defying the local authorities, they paraded her naked in front of hundreds of onlookers on the order of Jirga (the assembly of clan elders). This is not human act.

The custom would expect her to commit suicide after a rape but instead of committing suicide, she pursued the case and seeking for fair judgement for what happened to her. Her bravery to stand up for herself picked up domestic and international media’s coverage. Her story had been headlines of news that even BBC picked up on her story. Although the safety of herself, her families and friends has been endangered, she remains strong as an outspoken advocate for women’s right. She knew she got to do something to voice out what and how is the life of real women in her country. She is now known as Mukhtar Mai.

She then started the Mukhtar Mai Women’s Welfare Organization (MMWWO) to help support and educate Pakistani women and girls. In 2005, the Glamour Magazine named her Women of the Year and in April 2007, she won the North-South Prize from the Council of Europe. Movies were made about her and her autobiography reached no. 3 bestseller in France. Her courage should be cherishes. Without her bravely told her story, not much we will know about the misery of women there.

Sing, the Diamond Jubilee Special Song...

Don’t you think that Gary Barlow is quite a genius? Yeah, that cute guy from the group Take That. He has always been the lead singer of Take That and he majorly wrote the group’s song. He’s generally recognized as the musical talent behind Take That. From the group to his solo career, this guy sing, songwriting, producing, publishing and even acting. He’s also the lead judge for X Factor replacing Simon Cowell. I want to share his latest work with everyone here. It’s a song titled “Sing”.

Gary is so great that Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II had asked him to organize her 86^th birthday and her Diamond Jubilee celebration. (That’s a 60 years of Her Majesty's reign). A source said: "Her Majesty has been made well aware of Gary’s charity work and the events he has put together. She knows that Gary has got the power to pull in the big names across the music industry and to ensure it's a party to match the occasion". This was confirmed on February 2012 with Gary Barlow being named as the lead organiser and producer of a concert that took place outside of Buckingham Palace and featuring globally recognised superstar artists.

It was announced in January 2012 that Gary Barlow and Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber would be working together to write the official Diamond Jubilee single. Barlow and Lloyd Webber aimed to write the music to the song; with Barlow then taking this music to musicians and singers around The Commonwealth with the aim to incorporate sounds from around the world onto the single. The song simply entitled "Sing" was released as the lead single from the album of the same name, Sing.

Sing, the special song to celebrate the Queen's diamond jubilee is collaboration between Gary Barlow and Lord Lloyd Webber, and he wants performers from around the Commonwealth to be part of it. Prince Charles gives Gary some suggestions, and Gary then embarks on an extraordinary trip. He recorded all manner of musicians on their home turfs to make this unique record. This song featuring Gary Malone and his Military Wives Choir in the UK, a children's choir in Kenya, Rastafarian drummers in Jamaica, the Sydney Symphony Orchestra in Australia, pan-pipers in a remote rainforest village on the Solomon Islands, and Gary also manages to get Prince Harry to make his own musical contribution.

Now, let us enjoy Sing by Gary Barlow and all who’s involved. It’s a soothing songs. Really is a great one!!

Do you Need a Makeover yet?

The crime in marriages is not just bound to lies, infidelity, abuse and irresponsible spouse. Do you realize that some couples tend to look alike as time goes on? They dress up almost similar; they walk and talk in the same way and so on. Don’t get furious but take a look at your parents? What do you see?

As the marriage age, most people found too much comfort in each other and start neglecting their basic charm. They stop trying on any new style and just let it be. This might worsen day after day. Looks play a major part in our life. At a point, some people might start to think about their spouse. Husband will ask themselves “Is this the same woman I married to years ago? What happen to that sweet gorgeous lady?” In the other side, wives often face this problem everywhere in the world, she thinks “I was the one who gave birth to the kids but why is he having that permanent 9 months of pregnancies!”

A situation like this can be awkward if it is left too long. Why is that? Because when something has been your daily routine or habit for years, it takes time to break it and that can never be easy. Ladies, just imagine yourself at size 8 before marriage and maybe 8 years later, you barely fit into size 18!! How do you feel? We understand gaining some weight after those years of comfort and child birth is usual but let everything still be under your control. Take care of yourself by motivation and try a little harder.

Guys! We know you’re busy operating and providing for the family but DON’T take that as excuse that you’re too busy to spend just 30 minutes a day work out to get yourself fit and stay in an acceptable shape. Try it for the person you love dearly.

Do not let this “negligence” crime comes your way in your marriage. We all love to see the before and after of any kind of makeover don’t we? These photos adapted from Carson Kressley Couple’s Makeover. Enjoy…

Couple 1: Becky & Darren

This is Becky & Darren before the makeover. Isn't he reminds you of someone? Super Mario???

 

This is the new Becky & Darrren

Couple 2: John & Kate

John & Kate before the makeover

John & Kate after the makeover

Couple 3: Linda & Clark

Linda & Clark before the makeover. They admitted that Clark has an addiction to kilts.

Linda & Clark after the makeover

Couple 4: Ty & Mia

Ty & Mia before the makeover

Ty & Mia after the makeover

Couple 5: Nina & Randy

Nina & Randy looks before the makeover

Nina & Randy new look after the makeover

I think it is not that hard to surprise each other sometimes. Most of the time, minor changes do make a big difference. Admit it, we'll get bored of the same look everyday. Try something out.

Courtesy of Carson Kressley style advice & Oprah.com

Duhozanye: The Village of Widows...

The pandemonium aftermath of genocide is something only fathomable by those unfortunate enough to experience it. Not only are people and homes left in ruins, but also governments, economies, and basic infrastructure. The task of rebuilding and reforming communities can appear to be a near unachievable goal. This goal becomes even more difficult to attain when the genocide has resulted in 800 000 deaths, and a major portion of the male population. These are the circumstances that the women of Rwanda found themselves situated in after the 1994 Rwandan genocide.

After the death of significant male population, the women of Rwanda were left to pick up the pieces of their war-ravaged nation. This was a country that did not allow women to own land or to be sole guardians even to their own children. Even after having faced so much devastation already, a group of Rwandan woman managed to muster the strength to mobilize and begin to reconstruct their community by supporting and hold on firm to one another.

Here, the stories of Daphrose Mukarutamu, a Tutsi women who lost her husband and all but two of her 11 children. In the aftershock of the genocide, Daphrose thought she was the only one left, but when she turned to her neighbours, she then found out they had also been equally affected. She considered suicide but instead, she took in 20 orphans and started Duhozanye, an association of Tutsi and Hutu widows who were married to Tutsi men. Duhozanye means “to console one another”… The Duhozanye Association was founded in November 1994 by a group of widows in the district of Gisagara, located in the ex-prefecture of Butare.

On the left is Daphrose Mukarutamu

Duhozanye’s formation and growth - from a support group of neighbours who share their traumatic experiences, rebuild their homes, and collect and bury their dead, to an expanding member-driven network that advances the empowerment of Rwandan women. The association members helps women victims of rape and HIV/AIDS, running small businesses and classes in gender violence prevention, and taking part in national reconciliation through open-air people’s courts where they can face, and often forgive, the killers of their loved ones.

In the beginning, these widows started with meeting at a specific time every week to share their common grief and mourn their loved ones. When it was time for the group to meet none would miss the opportunity of being with others. For these women who had lost everything dear to them, it was simply a relieving experience to meet and cry together. After the genocide, there were many widows who were looking for emotional support especially those who had been raped and infected with HIV/AIDS.

After a short while, these widows started thinking about what they could do for themselves to rebuild their lives. Then, the Association, which started with the objective of providing emotional support, expanded its activities to address socio-economic needs of its members. Fourteen years after the genocide, the strides made by Duhozanye in the political and social-economic empowerment of Rwandan women are enormous. With strong resilience, these women were able to overcome the unthinkable and to make a difference in their lives and for their country.

Since their beginnings, the women of Duhozanye have continued to be a strong force in their community emotionally, economically, and physically.  They have set up gynecology clinics for the women who have been raped and helped the UN distribute aid for HIV/AIDS victims. They continue to support each other in many ways and have been recognized by various humanitarian organizations for their efforts. Similar groups have also begun to sprout in war-torn African countries such as Benin and the People’s Democratic Republic of the Congo.

The War Rape Victims of Rwanda

Do you know that during the Rwandan Genocide, it is estimated that 250,000 to 500,000 women and girls had been raped, mostly the Tutsis. Remember this happened during the brutal period of genocide which was going on about 100 days. The fact of half a million women been raped in such a short period is truly eerie and shocking! This wasn't just a one time raped. Some women open up said they were raped five to six times a day!

In a 1996 report on Rwanda, the UN Special Rapporteur Rene Degni-Segui stated, "Rape was the rule and its absence the exception. He stressed, "Rape was systematic and was used as a weapon" by the perpetrators of the massacres. This conclusion was based on the number and nature of the victims as well as from the forms of rape. A report in year 2000 prepared by the Organization of African Unity’s International Panel of Eminent Personalities concluded that "we can be certain that almost all females who survived the genocide were direct victims of rape or other sexual violence, or were profoundly affected by it".

In 1998, the International Criminal Tribunal for Rwanda made the landmark decisions that war rape in Rwanda was an element of the crime of genocide. The Trial Chamber held that "sexual assault" formed an integral part of the process of destroying the Tutsi ethnic group and that the rape was systematic and had been perpetrated against Tutsi women only, manifesting the specific intent required for those acts to constitute genocide. Although no written orders to rape were found, evidence suggests that military leaders encouraged or ordered their men to rape Tutsi as well as condoning the acts taking place, and made no efforts to stop them. Compared to other conflicts, the sexual violence in Rwanda stands out in three ways:

·         The organized nature of the propaganda that contributed to fuelling sexual violence against Tutsi women;

·         The public nature of the rapes; and

·         The level of brutality toward the women

During the genocide, it was culturally acceptable or mandatory to stand by while women were raped. According to Maria Louise Niyobuhungiro, she recalls seeing local people, other generals and Hutu men watching her get raped about 5 times per day. Even when she was kept under watch of a woman, she would give no sympathy or help and furthermore, forced her to farm land in between rapes. Reportedly, 70% of all sexual assault victims in the Rwandan genocide are infected with HIV.

How do you think these women, the rape victims survive and face the children they bore from the brutality? And how do you think the children feel when they found out how they were conceived. This is led to the birth of Duhozanye Association.

The Rwandan Genocide

It is Sunday today and I refer it to a Holy day. The day when most of us chill out and relax. This time, let see how much we know about the term “Genocide”. It is a very specific term, referring to violent crimes committed against groups with the intent to destroy the existence of the group or ethnic.

This term existed in 1944, when a Polish-Jewish lawyer named Raphael Lemkin sought the way to describe Nazi policies of systematic murder, including the destruction of the European Jews. He formed the word "genocide" by combining geno-, from the Greek word for race or tribe, with -cide, from the Latin word for killing. In proposing this new term, Lemkin had in mind "a coordinated plan of different actions aiming at the destruction of essential foundations of the life of national groups, with the aim of conquering the groups themselves."

The genocide that I want to share here is the one happened in Rwanda, back in 1994. Maybe that time I was a little young and might not aware of what happened in that part of the world. I’m sure I neither read newspaper nor watch news on TV that time. Rwanda is a country in East Africa. The whole thing started after the assassination of Rwanda President Juvénal Habyarimana where the airplane carrying him together with Burundi President, Cyprien Ntaryamira was shot down when it was preparing to land in Kigali, Rwanda on the evening of 6^th April, 1994. This assassination was the catalyst of the genocide.

I’m not interested into the whole ordeal of the genocide because it is too cruel and inhumane for me to accept but I will share some history of it so we get the idea of the official term of Rwandan Genocide. What I’m really interested to share with all of you is the aftermath stories. How does the women, the war or rape victims cope up with their life. Until today, the trauma of the genocide which happened almost two decades ago in Rwanda still exists.

According to Wikipedia:-

The Rwandan Genocide was the 1994 mass murder of an estimated 800,000 people in the small East African nation of Rwanda. Over the course of approximately 100 days (from the assassination of Juvénal Habyarimana and Cyprien Ntaryamira on April 6) through mid-July, over 500,000 people were killed, according to a Human Rights Watch estimate.

[1] Estimates of the death toll have ranged between 500,000 and 1,000,000,

[2] or as much as 20% of the country's total population.

It was the culmination of longstanding ethnic competition and tensions between the minority Tutsi, who had controlled power for centuries, and the majority Hutu peoples, who had come to power in the rebellion of 1959–1962 and overthrown the Tutsi monarchy.

In 1990, the Rwandan Patriotic Front (RPF), a rebel group composed mostly of Tutsi refugees, invaded northern Rwanda from Uganda in an attempt to defeat the Hutu-led government. They began the Rwandan Civil War, fought between the Hutu regimes. This exacerbated ethnic tensions in the country. In response, many Hutu gravitated toward the Hutu Power ideology, with the prompting of state-controlled and independent Rwandan media.

Now, can you imagine what is the state of a country whereby within the period of just 100 days, there were 800,000 people killed. Simply put it as a war between two ethnics, the Hutu and Tutsi. There is a movie in 2004 (on the 10^th years anniversary) titled Hotel Rwanda, starring Don Cheadle. This is a true-life story of Paul Rusesabagina, a hotel manager who housed over a thousand Tutsi refugees during their struggle against the Hutu militia in Rwanda. It is a good watch. Read my next post on the survival stories of Rwanda women.