Low Self Esteem Among Children and Teenagers - Parents, what can we do?

Over the last decade, low self-esteem among children and teenagers is growing extremely fast.  If you are like most parents, what you want more for your kids is self-confidence.  They will tell you that academic and athletic come later on their wish list. Without self-confidence, it is extremely hard for children and teenagers to achieve any goals, resisting peer pressure and deal with adversity.  Ultimately, without self confidence, it will affect directly their overall happiness and career success.
 

How can you help?  The most important part of your job as a parent is to provide love and affection every day.  All children and teenagers will benefit as they feel love by their parents.  It is important for you to realize that love and affection alone it is not enough to build their self-confidence.  They need two more ingredients in order to help them achieve self-confidence. They need People Skills and they need Character.

 

If you did a survey and surveyed people with people skills and people without, you would find that the main difference is the way they were raised.  People skill is certainly very difficult to learn if you don’t learn it at a young age.  That is why you should start with your children as soon as you can.  Start with the basic technique.  Teach them how to greet people, to look people in the eyes.  When they become a teenager, you should add a firm handshake to what they should do.  Teaching them how to listen well and not to be afraid to ask question will also be a good for them.  There have been many studies done that shows people skills represent 75% of their success vs. 25% is technical knowledge.  Don’t diminish the importance of your children learning math, read and writing but the emphasizing on their people skills will go a long way towards their overall happiness and career success.
 

Developing character is an extremely hard thing to do.  It takes a lot of commitment to teach it, be accountable to it.  This is the second item your children and teenagers will need in life.  Start as young as you can to teach them about integrity.  Being honest can only bring good things for them.  Teach them how to behave in today’s society.  What is accepted and what is not and knowing that will help them both on a personal level and later in life, on a professional level.  Also, you could have self-confident children or teenagers but lack character. This will result with your children to not resist peer pressure, potentially affects their personal relationship and professional life.
 

Why is it that more and more children and teenagers lack people skills and character today? It is mainly due to 3 areas.  Today’s technology, the pop culture and academics emphasis are the main reasons.  The technology today, having access to e-mails, IM, test messaging, cell phones, video games create a void in personal human contact which you can only improved by meeting people face to face.  If you look at movies, cartoons, music videos and how it affects our children and teenagers, you will understand why it is another reason why people lack people skills. With the disrespectful gestures and expressions used today. It teaches our kids to behave the same way.  It makes our jobs as parents much harder. Also, in today’s schools system, the emphasis in on academics.  They do not believe people skills and character are priorities and therefore they do not focus on it. How many times have you heard small kids saying things such as “Stupid!” “Shut Up!” “Hell No!” “What the Hell?” Aren’t those sounds rude? But we heard it almost everyday from them.

There are many things you can do to help your children and teenagers to build their people skills and character.  You should emphasis the importance of people skills before they interact with others.  It could be on the way to school, to visit family or friends etc.  Re-emphasizing greeting, eye contact and a firm handshake every time.  Next, be a good role model.  Remember, your children are always watching and listening so you should always act the part.  Last, look for third party help, children, especially teenagers can tune you out so if you can find material such as books, CDs or DVDs; That way they can teach themselves as they become an adult.

Today’s generation is not learning people skills or character development.  We do not hesitate to get help for our children for any other subject.  So let’s remember what will ultimately help our children and priorities correctly so our children and teenagers never suffer of Low Self Esteem

 

Love Like the Olden Days...

In the beginning of man kind, there are very strict rules and some rituals in every customs and traditions celebrating a boy entering his manhood. There will even be a celebration for puberty and of course circumcision. People used to take that really seriously. This kind of ritual comes along with full responsibilities as that boy is then considered a man and he have to start doing what a man supposed to do including the honour to quest for wife and goes into marriage. Marriages those days wasn't that easy as guys are request to do many tasks to prove that he is really man enough. The tasks including hunting deep into the wood, horse riding and many more depending on which surrounding they lived in. In term of marriage, the girls' family will request for something (usually tough request) to prove that the guy can really take care of their daughters. They are known for married because of love. 

However, things change with time. Century after century, decades goes on until now!! Our living era. Perhaps the technology and advancement of life that we all sought after has make the value of love and marriage goes less. Not to deny that earlier times, there are many arranged marriages. Parents just get their children married without the needs to ask for their permissions but still the marriage last and many of them actually fall in love after the marriage. So, what went wrong with our society nowadays? What happened to most marriages that ended up with bitter divorced? I think the value of marriage has gone much lower now comparing to the olden days. Just imagine how hard the guy went through to prove his love to the girl he love and her family. It will not be easy for him to let go of their marriage just for some "irreconcilable differences" which is a very common reason for today's divorce cases.

Those time, love means everything to people. There's nothing more important than winning the heart of your love one. Nowadays it's really hard to hold on to love. What worst is when we confuse about lust with love. It happens everyday. If there are the lasting ones, we know there must be tonnes of effort put into the relationship. When there are lasting couples that we know of, we wonder can we really love like our ancestors did? How our great grandparents or grandparents did? Can we honestly still love like them? How does it feel to love like them when there are no mobile phones to contact each other, no email that can deliver in few seconds. No internet or data services for us to be online 24 hours! No Facebook or Whatsapp or Line or whatever apps that is available for us today. The good thing with this is we can check on the one we care almost immediately but it kind of turning more into virtual than the actual personal touch and care. Those days, they walked miles and miles just to catch the glimpse of the person they love. They dreamt about marriage and having children with their love ones. Although the marriages back then are just simple and humble celebration but it is more valuable than the Million Dollars weddings that some people throw nowadays. Some couples now get married and they don't even want to have children. Is the love not strong enough for them to wish for a child which carries feature from both of them? Or the priority of life has shifted to different directions. Those days the take time drafting love letters and sent it out even they know it might take months to delivered. They walk the distance to get to their love ones, they keep printed photo in the purse so they can have a look each time they misses love. All the meaningful  things back then are what we call lame today. What really happen to us?

Because of this fading value of love that we are facing today, we always attracted to watch love movies or drown into love novel. The love stories seems so sweet that we even cried going through it but in reality, that's when we doubt those kind of love still existing. In a world full of disguise and fake individuals, we can't stop ourselves from being cautious and suspicious to people. That's the truth. It scares us to go through crime cases on news. Just too much! Thinking even about the love scams online or offline! Dude!! People do anything for money nowadays. For those who scam in the name of love, they tarnished the ones who really love from their heart. Asked me what would I say if out of the blue moon a strange message just came in which said "If only I'm a super human for just one day, I will go and pick the stars above and make them necklace on your neck for you are too beautiful for anything this earth can give. If only I have one wish left in this life which will be granted, I will wish for a baby girl with you because I know she will look just like you.." The reply sure will be something like "Yeah! Go to h**l then, perhaps there's something there which you can pick too! What baby you're talking about!!" It's not about being rude but this is the respond that person should expect out of sending such message out.

Now let me asked you, would you believe that someone walked miles to reach you because he don't have car and nobody he know could drop him over as time don't permit at that particular hour of the day. Definitely he don't want to have the chance to be late on the first meeting as he has been begging to meet up quite sometimes. Then, would you believe someone waited for 17 hours on the road hoping you would just come, see him and say hi? Now would you believe that someone would skip a meal because that little cash for meal he want to save it to recharge his phone so that he can keep in touch with you for another day? Would you ever believe that someone could hurts or harm himself so that you will finally come to check on him? He cried in front of you but you are doubting the tears are real or just movie. He said he have nothing left to offer but his heart and you're thinking.. "What is that heart for, black market organ trade syndicate?" I know this sound just so cruel as the respond he get for what he did but come on, what is a better way to respond? Be logical, can't just fall for him like that.

As time goes by, we... All of us are involved! Come on! Don't deny t. We all make things much easier as technology does. The rules are all loosen up, the customs and traditions are all left behind. Many people live on without rules anymore. I was once on a long journey flight and I watched one movie, an elderly man was talking to a young man and this was the line that I can remember "Young people nowadays like you, sometimes you get laid and you don't even know your partner's name!!" Whoa!! What about that? Not being prejudice or judgemental but the adult industry, everything beyond our imagination are available so the mentality has totally changed. If you can get it that easily, why do you need to try harder?

I'm here talking and reminding myself and all of you that true love still really exist. Be cautious and alert about people but never close your heart fully for love. I have seen it and it is real. Someone really hold on to the love that he believe in. He shut every doorway that might lead him to lose his love. He starve, he cried, he begged, he put aside his male's ego, he strive real hard to make his life better. He try every possible thing to keep that love and he believe at the end of it, all the hardship he is facing will worth the whole world once she truly belongs to him. Nothing could make him doubt what he have for her is the deepest love he ever feel in this lifetime.